Thoughts unsaid: Family

This is a me giving a few words to everyone of whom I wish I'd spared a few moments of my life to speak with. For all the moments I didn't seize the right opportunity at its right time to have a word with these people, here or not anymore here, like in this world here like alive her-nevermind for all the times I chickened out because I was too scared slash ashamed slash shy slash angry et cetera.

Should you terase or perasan and see yourself below, well, this is your friend(hi gaiz) slash enemy(hopefully not) slash family member(HOPEFULLY NOT) slash student(hi cher) (this is so impossible) slash blogger(you're ok) you know as Mu'az. These words I spit forth below will hopefully put my mind slightly at ease.

Will this be a bashing session? Will all the stuff be derogatory? Or a nice kissing of butts? Maybe ignorant opinions?

The words I spit forth are honest, dudes.

(ofc i have to start with my family right)



 To my dearest parents, where do I begin haha. I guess it be fitting if I go from the start. Throughout my time growing up, I totally get it that I haven't been the best sort of child(??) to be parents to. I couldn't remember how I was actually when I was small, but it was probably along those lines kan. Then you made the conscious decision for an unconscious me to enter madrasah. Then I left (as in graduated not dropped out mind you) and here I am.

Perhaps one of my biggest failings as your child (and as a son to two wonderful parents myself) is that I may have been shortchanging you horribly when it comes to expressing my love for you two. I don't know if you notice (though you two probably do cos parents man) but I was never really a very emotional person, as in when it comes to expressing feelings and all that other stuff I didn't and still don't get. As a result I went about my stuff without doing much of that affection love thing.

 I realised this when I grew older and yknow understood everything better, fortunately. But unfortunately I still didn't rectify it directly. And I guess that was a really bullshitty thing to do. I figured an indirect way to do so was to just keep my head down and work hard and generally make you proud of me. And I really hope I've managed to attain that. It may not be the best, but it's the best I can do /so far/ and Inshallah I'll be better and all :)



  To my dearish siblings, you guys suck. I still love you all :)

To my uncle,

(serious face)


I will try my best to put whatever I have to say as nicely as I really can. I have no idea what happened at work that resulted in your retrenchment. I have no idea what led to the housing development board to take away your apartment. I have no idea why you refused to accept the apartment they offered at another neighborhood. I have no idea how long you plan to stay in your little sister's home. I have no idea how you are contributing to the daily household expenditure. I have no idea why my father never added your family in the list of house occupants for my tuition grant subsidies.

In fact, I have no idea how you got here, or what you plan to do next.

So I cannot and will not judge you nor put you in some form of negative light. That being said, I'm pretty sure some decisions could have been made to land everyone in better places. If I'm wrong, I stand corrected. If I am right, then, well, people make mistakes.

Either way, I hope you will learn to appreciate the sacrifices my parents have made (and collateral in terms of my siblings and I) and I wish you all the best in sorting your problems out.


 
I'm sorry if this is a sour ish way to sign things off haharz until next timez readerz.