November 11, 2015

Lessons from the peoper's rebubric of China

 Hello.


 Sometime mid September, immediately after the end of my semestral exams, I was promptly shipped off (by plane haha) to do my overseas industrial training programme, or OITP, in the People's Republic of China. There, I spent six weeks with an American aerospace company called Pratt & Whitney. There I had a whirlwind of a time, and here, I shall tell you some things about it and also some lessons from the peoper's rebubric of China.



(see what I did there I slid the title of the pos--nevermind)



flying was fuuun the views were niiice





Week one: The week of independence



this was a tiny garden place to chill at work



My first week in China was pretty intense. Taking all of Beijing in, settling down in my hotel, making friends, everything took place quickly. This was my first everything; being in China, being there for six weeks, being there for that long without family, it was all new. And it was all so much fun. So it made sense that my first lesson there was the lesson of independence. I was always an independent child (chey) (my MOM said that ok) so I was sort of alright. Besides overspending my money. And spending too much of my free time lazing around instead of studying. And falling ill for quite a few days. But let's not worry about technicalities :)

Anyway, I had to cope with being alone (friends aside), and taking care of myself, and I am relieved to say that I may have slightly exaggerated before and actually did quite ok ^^ Perhaps my biggest issue was with my terrible homesickness, and sure enough I felt it enveloping my mind from the third week onwards. I didn't really prepare myself (or the people around me) for my leaving, so it was coming, but fortunately I managed to weather the storm (or haze) (since China) (no? ok)


Week two: The week of industriousness



a really big engine



The second week was a week of work. Like literal work. Getting to grips with the Beijing life, learning about the magic of how jet engines work and how they keep really heavy stuff from really falling into the ground, making friends (hardest work so far) and doing laundry and washing dishes. There may or may not have been a housekeeping service to help with the chores. I have no comment on that. But anyway, the second week saw me finally settle in for the next few weeks away from home, in a small hotel with friends, herbal tea, and lots and lots of cool engineering stuff. It almost sounds like bliss :)


a hangar of engines!



Week three: The week of religion



front of Nu Jie mosque, oldest in Beijing



 On the third week, I made an interesting discovery regarding my hotel. It was comfortable and cosy, but it was still old and rather bleak; the rooms were not as well lit as I would've liked, and the hallways were especially dim and gloomy. Like, I've seen brighter streets in Singapore kinda gloomy.

 Anyway. I discovered my hotel may be occupied by more than humans. I thought it was a load of bull semen (that's actually very expensive) ( but you get the point) but then things started happening throughout the dang place. Toilets suddenly smelt like vomit, doors were being endlessly knocked on at dead hours of the night, strange figures were being seen where they shouldn't have; one particular room (my peers changed from this room cos it was freaky shiz) had the especially uncomfortable aura about it, and..... I'm slowly freaking myself out as I type this in the dark of my room..

 Anyway. Besides my lavatory smelling like a drunkard's vomited all over the floor, I didn't really experience anything ~out of the ordinary~ besides the odd hair on end moments. I prayed harder, and read more of the Quran as a form of insurance (there's nothing to lose going down that road btw) and generally ignored and eradicated any opportunity that I may have in experiencing anything out of sorts.

 I cringed at the thought of having three more weeks of staying there, so I prepared accordingly and apprehensively.The toilet (weirdly) stopped smelling like cat pee, and everything slowly returned to normal, bar the odd anomaly. This may be one of the contributing factors to my wanna-balik impulse. I am a brave boy :)





Week four: The week of smelling roses



orympic stadium!!



 Week four. Week four was the week where I was really enjoying my time in the People's Republic. The adventures to attractions like the Forbidden City, the Great Wall, the many many shopping districts and the workplace itself, everything was thoroughly interesting and fun and I didn't want it to end, homesickness aside.





 The fourth week taught me how to stop and smell the roses, or rather smell them better. To stop and look beyond the hectic and harried thoughts and going ons of school, or work, or anything for that matter; to stop and appreciate the finer details of our daily misadventures, the smiles of strangers, the random act of kindness to someone in need, the accomplished feeling after a long day of work, the good food we take advantage of a lot (emphasis here x100000), these intricacies that we overlook because we worry for our future well-being, or that deadline for that project, whatever it may be.

We shouldn't let ourselves miss the beauty of the today worrying about a perpetual tomorrow. I don't know about you, but my mental health improves with all of this in mind, and I can only hope everyone who reads shall feel this improvement as well and not instead feel that I am spouting hogwash :)







Week five:  The week of positional awareness






 The coming of the fifth week was the week I finally realised(and accepted) my current position: a boy with his pals in foreign lands. I shall cut right to the chase and talk of positional awareness, and what exactly I mean and whether it's total bull.

In football, the notion of positional awareness is important for players. It's one thing to know what your role is in the team. It's one thing to know what the roles of your teammates are in the game. It's an entirely other thing to know both things, make sense of it, and modify your play accordingly, and that is positional awareness. In a very crude sense, anyway.

I feel it relates a bit to how we live our lives everyday too. We have to understand that each of us are uniquely different with our own abilities, but also in our struggles. So we should treat each other with that fact in mind, with the respect and without the cynicism; living for six weeks in China and having to properly get to know people I may have dismissed prior, this is one of the biggest nuggets of advice I can share to yalls :)


Week six: The week of friendship



peeps




My final week in China was a thoroughly memorable one indeed. Farewells, last kopeks at hanging around the capital, eating duck (!!) more farewells, it was so nice. I have rarely felt so happy (to be going home!!) yet so sad (to be leavinggg) it was a whirlwind.

The friends I managed to make made the trip an extremely enjoyable trip, and I am eternally grateful for that. The people I met there have helped me immensely in settling down, and honestly I had so much fun learning and relaxing and sightseeing and all that stuff. Sure, some things didn't go well, like the haunted hotel of terror and the fire breakout and all that, but all of those contributed to a thoroughly memorable trip, and I couldn't have asked for more.

Thank you to SP, friends, educators back at China, but my parents most of all for ensuring I would be able to go and do well so far away JazaakAllah and till next time :)


goodbye :(







August 11, 2015

Eventually


If only there could be another way to do this
Cause it feels like murder
To put your heart through this
I know I always said that I could never hurt you
Well this is the very very last time I'm ever going to [?]

But I know that I'll be happier
And I know you will too
Said, I know that I'll be happier
And I know you will too

Eventually
Eventually

Wish I could turn you back into a stranger
Cause If I was never in your life
You wouldn't have to change this

But I know that I'll be happier
And I know you will too
Said, I know that I'll be happier
And I know you will too

Eventually
Eventually

And I know just what I've got to do
And it's got to be soon
Cause I know that I'll be happier
And I know you will too

Eventually
Eventually
Eventually
Eventually
Eventually
Eventually
Eventually


-------


The song is about knowing that you’re about to damage someone almost irreparably, and the only consolation you get is this distant hope that they’ll be alright eventually, because you know they aren’t going to be now or soon. It’s like “Fuck!” That’s all I remember. I was on the back of the scooter and the wind was rushing through me. I guess I can’t really deny [that it’s a breakup song], but at the same time I like songs to be ambiguous. I hate to say that a song is about this and you must interpret it this way, because one of the cool things is to hear someone’s interpretation of one of your songs that’s completely different. That’s when you feel like you’ve done something that belongs not just to you. That’s when you feel like your music belongs to the world.

March 06, 2015

Final Masquerade (acoustic)


To whomever it may concern

Hello.

That's how I start letters and conversations nowadays. I'd start with your name, but, you know. It's an old and probably odd way to start them yet it works a good percentage of the time, so here I am.

Hello.

At the time of writing I am very alive and very well; I've just finished my Isha' prayers, and I hope you are in fine form as well.

Let's talk about that for a moment.

Are you feeling well? No, not in a physical sense. There's nothing more to do than to swallow pills and pray if you're physically ill, we both know that. I'm more concerned about the mental you, the you that resides up there(points to the head) and down here (rests palm on chest). This is a more, let's just say, delicate part of human interaction.

It's not simply black and white. Or white and gold. Or black and blue.

I get that. Of course I get that. That's why you're not feeling better and I'm not doing much to make you feel better. Or not at all. Sorry for being a rubbish friend.

I am a very rubbish friend.

I don't have many of them as a result. I'd say it was just a crazy defence mechanism but I just have few friends because I'm really really crap at friendism. Even my choice of companionship was reasonably crap at some point in time. As a result the ones that I do currently have I'm holding on very dear to. And yes, that includes you as well. I wish for nothing but the best for the people I care about outside of my family.

I absolutely know you're going through an extremely hard time. The high levels of emotional stress must be getting to you. I can feel it from my (highest resolution of any) phone (ever) screen. Right now I am pretty silent and I haven't said anything. That's because I figured one would appreciate time alone and away from everything to think things out. At least, that's what I would've needed. But I keep learning that that won't be the case every time or everybody, for that matter. That being said, I do hope you're feeling okay. I don't tell you every time or have the opportunity to show it, but I really do.

One of the feelings I detest feeling is helplessness. I always at the very least try to help, and when I can't help that plays a lot in my head. And when I see you in a state less than fine, and I can't do anything about it, that's a very bad situation to be in.

But then there would come other situations, situations when you're all fine and cheerful. That's good. In fact, that's the only kind of you I would ever want to see. It's the kind of you everyone loves to see. No sad faces, no negativity, nothing to worry about. Just sunshine and positivity all round. What I wouldn't give to see you in that portrait of 11 out of 10 happy.

Unfortunately, this aforementioned portrait hasn't got myself in it. Are you happier with other people? It doesn't matter, as long as you're happy, I reckon. Who am I to stop you from being happy, right? They share the same struggles you do. This is the common ground I formerly had with you. They're remotely similar now, at best. This shouldn't be a barrier, but it's taken its fair toll hasn't it?

So have many other things. But forget all that.

If there's one thing I want you to take away from this, it's just that I want you to not be down or sad or stressed and all that, and I pray that you be in a state of positive mental health all the time. If it means my not being around then that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. At the end of the day, I really just care deeply for you and want you to feel better again.

See you, dear companion.