Pet Phobia: Camera Shyism

  Ever since I was small (or something deep rooted like that probably) I was never gonna get along with a camera, Not taking photos, I think I do a tidy enough job of that, I just struggle at having people take photos or videos of me.


And I have no idea why.


This is one of many things about myself that bug me at the back of my head. Today I talk about my camera shyness, and this is Pet Phobia.

(intro song yayayaya)

  As I mentioned before the dancing Bane, I do actually have not a single clue why I am camera shy.


It gets pretty ironic because I am actually comfortable speaking publicly and all that self exposure stuff. Until it actually comes to those related to cameras. I do struggle to rewatch videos of my public exposures and it may be partly due to how cringe-worthy I was. You could probably count in voice recordings too. I don't like to look at myself in the mirror either. Basically anything that requires me to listen or see myself, I just give in.


(You can add photos taken at outings I've been to to it too yes that made grammatical sense, since I've been in one pretty recently heeh)



 (If I sound too weird you have my permission to take five here for a bit)


  I maybe have a small theory on what I think is the reason behind my shyness and I shall start with 1) a lack of self confidence. I don't lack self confidence. I don't think I do anyway. I have enough of it to have a big mouth and all that, so like I said earlier it would be ironic to shun photos of myself. Maybe it's something I'm not confident in? Maybe I fear what I look like in a photo or video or how I sound in a recording. That does sound plausible. Unlike my being noisy with my mouth skills, I am slightly (okay more than slightly) not too assured of myself dari segi aesthetics. I shrug it off though, I wish not to commit too much thinking to such things that matter less (??????) than others.




  As a result I do avoid them when I can unless I'm not the main subject of such material(pictures with baes squads acquaintances people ive been familiar with their existence these 11 years peeps), or if they're absolutely necessary(photos for documents or whatever). Even the profile photos I've been using have been around for approximately ever very long indeed.



  But I'm opening up though (haha) surely but ever so slowly. I guess I need time to (gets ready to wash mouth with bleach) be comfortable with how I look and accept that I will be seeing myself a lot and therefore have to get comfortable with how I look; that way I can be more confident of myself and as a by-product be more open to having photos and videos and all that of myself :-)

me rn

  If you've got a picture with me or of me or whatever other stalkerific thing you have related to me then know that it took a lot for me, even though it seems like simply standing and smiling and staring at a black hole. At the very least I've done something a lot ish sorta probably more than slightly uncomfortable for you, so if that counts for something than I hope it is appreciated :)))

~~bow of thanks for reading~~