The Killers - Runaways

Respect. Or lack thereof.

I think what today's dwellers lack is precisely put, respect. A lack of what I'd call second-level thinking, meaning to think of how other people perceive you. It's driving me up the wall, to some extent.

The way I see it, everyone is too occupied with being the top dog, the best of this, the best of that, that they tend to do whatever it takes to get there, even if it means being a rude piece of garbage. Personally for me, when people are nice, there's only three ways to look at it:

-A really honestly nice person, I appreciate what you're doing :)

-Just another shrimp sucking up to people who are gonna ruin you.

-Are you high.

Sometimes it's almost disgusting how being rude is the new way to go for these people. Peer pressure leads you to belittle the friends you see ''irrelevant'' and drop the ''good boy image'' now seen as two-faced and pretty BS. Some see it as cool, a way to mix and have fun. And then again some of them are just high.

For me, I generally keep to myself and I guess I'm just generally nice. Partly cause I have to as a caretaker of 34 students. Turning my back on even one of my friends wouldn't be pretty. My lack of interaction won't let others judge me with much accuracy though.

And I like that.

Because some are just oh so fucking rude that a smack in the face would only be an appetizer to the sledgehammer I'd ram up their asses. I don't know anymore; some of these genuinely nice people even tend to use the rude way to do their bidding.

 Just goes to show the smart people and the intelligent people aren't the same.

For me, respect is something I value and practice. Everyone who practices respect, deserves respect. If you infer that I don't respect the ones that do lack the necessary hormat, then bullseye you're right.

 If everyone works their asses off for money to give to other people, why'd you give the money to people who don't?

I'm not one to give advice.

 I'm one to take your bullshit and shove it up your ass.

So start respecting or so help me I will give you a piece of my mind.

perjuangan to the death

So the exams lie very very very near, with Preliminaries starting tomorrow, with Arabic Language. Then Qur'an on Friday then a few days before written exams start. Then a few days break before STE starts proper.

Honestly, I am unprepared for this exam. I neither feel nor see the urgency in this exam. I'm both worried and nonchalant about it. I wanna have something to show for 11 years (give or take) of education here at Irsyad. But then this certificate doesn't get me places. At least, places I don't wanna go. This isn't to say I don't wanna continue my Ukhrawi stream but I think I'm leaning more towards my academics to secure some solid pedigree before going for the Islamic side of life.

This is really late but my team and I managed to be crowned champions in the debate. After a frantic three (I skipped the first day cause I was spennnt) days of course, preparing for the semi finals, which I managed to successfully fall sick. But thankfully we managed to pull through to the finals. 


Personally, being the youngest and most probably the most inexperienced team in the tournament, I thought we did a massive job hahahaha I still can't believe we went against top notch opposition in PRAXIS, an organisation comprising of members aged 17-21. It's just immense sigh. I wanna thank a lot of people too for the support, I personally couldn't have done much without them. Thank you :)


In other news, the fasting month of Ramadhan has come for us Muslims. So far, it's been wonderful and I hope for it to continue being wonderful lol may we all have a blessed Ramadhan fellow Muslims :D


Recently, IrsyadRadio, an internet radio station initiated by the school, has also been launched and commitment will be massive. That equals less time for studying and much less time for fun. Come to think about it, my me time has decreased significantly.


 And I miss that.


All the free time in the world to do anything and not have anything to worry about. Now I just goof off and have fun, but when I come back the guilt just ruins whatever fun I had. And now I can't relax knowing there's an exam I should be spending time on. It just sucks basically.


I hope for all of this to end, and end swiftly and nicely. Hopefully. 


Then next year I can go through the same thing with my academics.


Till next time.

catchup ketchup

School is back on. Time is such an essence. Dear humans, please forgive me if I fall out with a long hiatus. Inevitable, unforeseen and inconvenient. Patik minta maaf seribu ribu maaf.

Anyway, let's just put into perspective what's coming up in the next few days. I've got school, lots of school, even more hafalan, a huge huge huge exam to get an aggregate of 15 or less and to top things off, a debate competition to win. I'm not exactly looking forward to either, but if I'm gonna face them anyway then screw it let's go for broke.

School is almost unnecessary now. Ironic, since I've got Prelims and STE in less than a few weeks. Right now a few hours of school are clocked in for normal lessons, which is perfectly fine. But another chunk of school hours is reserved for alledged 'hafalan sessions'. An academic teacher would come in, babysit us as we hafal. This is also really nice. What isn't, is when other, more O-Level-centric students (or they're just really really fucking stupid) decide STE isn't important and slack off, distracting greatly other students trying to make a name for themselves in this exam. Something needs to be done. I can't go around shushing everyones' asses every now and then.


Debateeeeee. Everything seems to be about debate nowadays. And I've somehow managed to land myself in this sea of debatery as well. I, along with a bunch of geniuses will be gunning for victory in a debate competition contested by other youth Muslim bodies. Honestly, I don't know why I'm doing this. Firstly, we're first timers, damn we're underage even (it's a 16-25 years old range). Secondly, I don't know what I'm debating for. The competition is so vague I don't what I'll win. Thirdly, I feel insignificant around my debate team. I'm debating with top-10 material against adolescents with drivers' licenses studying for degrees and diplomas. But hey, I love the English Language. I love arguing (which is sorta redneck debating right) and I'm doing it with my buddies so hey let's just go for it and gain some experience. I really really wanna win, cause losing is not worth it. Not after sacrificing countless hours on this thing when I could be studying.


I'll be honest, I've kinda managed to know better my team through preparation and we've kinda started to really know each other inside out and for me, it's been a really nice experience(despite my obvious inferiority in terms of grades). One I wouldn't wanna forget.


I'm debating for you guys.




I think sometimes I just don't try to be happy enough and have a more positive outlook in my life.


I should change.