intelligence crisis

I'm starting to get the hang of this 2am writeup thingy thing things now hahaha idk once it starts these things just don't seem to stop(well at least until my holidays are over) (but let's not let that happen) (i hope)

So anyway as I was busy staring towards the heavens thinking of my life and where I've landed myself so far(cause i am philosoraptorical that way), I made a quasi-checklist of my S4 (that's 15 years young) targets and they go along these lines:-

- to get a decent aggregate for my STE (ten and below? too high?)

-to keep my academics in check(well when I say academics)

-try and build up on my maths?(i suck in maths.)

-be fitter than before(honestly idk how i'm gonna check that)

-top ten in my class(which is a huge ask)

Majority have one thing in common. I wanna be smarter. More brains. More IQ. More intelligence. It's what I've always wanted. I've always looked up to everyone more brainy than myself (which is a crapload of people.) and I don't mind that. I enjoy learing new stuff (not taking into account math) (haha kidding) (seriously though) and helping others and all that. I wouldn't mind joining them at the summit though.

But it isn't all cream and cheese. I have an six additional religious content-based subjects to learn and they require a really really huge memory capacity. And the top students have all but cemented their places in the spots that breaking out into the scene is gonna take a lot of hard work. I personally see myself capable of achieving better than what I have now (75%). But I don't seem to have that drive, that last spark to push me all the way through. It's like running a 400m sprint. I can push all the way, but when it comes to the home stretch I will falter and end up going below par. I don't seem to know what's wrong(again disregard my math). Okay maybe my math but I've been trying and I don't wish to go for tuition cause I won't be motivated and I'd end up wasting money. But maybe this time I should?


Whatever it may be, this year will mark a change. I hope to achieve my targets and I will stop at nothing to get what I want (that includes you Battlefield). You shall stand as witness to this promise I have made to myself(and you to some extent) inshaallah.



Someday. Someday.