Yeah not exactly. The real thing is in less than two weeks and I'm here doing meaningless stuff. I'm currently facing a confidence crisis, and everyone's being suckish.
STE examinations start in less than two weeks. But I'm here mugging for some dumb programme in Arabic for the school. Sure it's gonna help etc etc etc but come on I don't need the extra stress. What's more, prelim after effects is well taking an effect. Sigh I am being put my ass down by some people and it's extremely depressing. Sure I scored pretty badly, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid forever. Stop bringing up my marks. I know they're not high. Doesn't mean I can't get the right answer.
I believe that intelligence cannot be gauged, and the marks just indicate how much effort has been sacrificed to get there.
This also means I'm faltering in confidence. I don't know why this happens but it just does. Everything suddenly doesn't matter anymore. I suddenly feel so shut off from society and really, I shut down too. I panic and end up not doing much. It's sad. I just feel really really lonely.
This next paragraph will be about cataracts.
THEY FREAKING HAPPEN EITHER BECAUSE YOU'RE OLD, TRAUMATIZED, FACING A BIGGER, MORE DANGEROUS DISEASE, EXPOSED TO DRUGS, TOXIC MATERIALS, EXCESSIVELY CONSUME ALCOHOL, EXPOSED TO UV LIGHT, RADIATION, OR JUST GENETIC. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY EXCESSIVE EYE USAGE. THIS IS ACCORDING TO TOP, LEGITIMATE ACCLAIMED OPTICIANS AND OPHTHALMOLOGISTS WITH LEGITIMATE QUALIFICATIONS, SPECIALISTS IN MEDICAL AND SURGICAL EYE PROBLEMS, DEALING WITH THE ANATOMY, PHYSIOLOGY AND DISEASES OF THE EYE. REAL DEGREES, REAL EXPERIENCE, REAL DOCTORS WHO KNOW THEIR SHIT. SO DON'T COME UP TO ME AND TELL ME MY DOCTOR IS WRONG. YOU'RE SIXTEEN, YOU'RE YOUNG, AND HONESTLY, YOU MUST BE REALLY REALLY JOLLY STUPID TO NOT BELIEVE WHEN I TELL YOU WHAT MY OPHTHALMOLOGIST SAID. WHO ARE YOU TO GO AGAINST YEARS OF EXPERIENCE AND QUALIFICATION. DON'T WASTE MY BRAIN CELLS MULLING OVER YOU WHEN YOU'RE NOT WORTH MY TIME. IT WASN'T CHEAP GETTING AN EYE SPECIALIST, IT'S DEFINITELY NOT GONNA BE CHEAP FOR THE OPERATION. SO SHOVE YOUR WORDS UP YOUR ASS. DON'T ACT SMART WHEN YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE NOT FACING CATARACTS. YOU'RE NOT AN EYE SPECIALIST. YOU DIDN'T SPEND YEARS IN HOSPITALS CARRYING OUT OPERATIONS. YOU HAVING NOTHING TO SHOW FOR WHAT YOU SAY. DON'T MAKE YOURSELF LOOK STUPID BY TRYING TO BE SMART. I AM SICK OF YOUR ATTITUDE.
don't fucking try me.
sorry about that.
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