December 30, 2014

Pet Phobia: Camera Shyism

  Ever since I was small (or something deep rooted like that probably) I was never gonna get along with a camera, Not taking photos, I think I do a tidy enough job of that, I just struggle at having people take photos or videos of me.


And I have no idea why.


This is one of many things about myself that bug me at the back of my head. Today I talk about my camera shyness, and this is Pet Phobia.





(intro song yayayaya)



  As I mentioned before the dancing Bane, I do actually have not a single clue why I am camera shy.


It gets pretty ironic because I am actually comfortable speaking publicly and all that self exposure stuff. Until it actually comes to those related to cameras. I do struggle to rewatch videos of my public exposures and it may be partly due to how cringe-worthy I was. You could probably count in voice recordings too. I don't like to look at myself in the mirror either. Basically anything that requires me to listen or see myself, I just give in.


(You can add photos taken at outings I've been to to it too yes that made grammatical sense, since I've been in one pretty recently heeh)



 (If I sound too weird you have my permission to take five here for a bit)


  I maybe have a small theory on what I think is the reason behind my shyness and I shall start with 1) a lack of self confidence. I don't lack self confidence. I don't think I do anyway. I have enough of it to have a big mouth and all that, so like I said earlier it would be ironic to shun photos of myself. Maybe it's something I'm not confident in? Maybe I fear what I look like in a photo or video or how I sound in a recording. That does sound plausible. Unlike my being noisy with my mouth skills, I am slightly (okay more than slightly) not too assured of myself dari segi aesthetics. I shrug it off though, I wish not to commit too much thinking to such things that matter less (??????) than others.




  As a result I do avoid them when I can unless I'm not the main subject of such material(pictures with baes squads acquaintances people ive been familiar with their existence these 11 years peeps), or if they're absolutely necessary(photos for documents or whatever). Even the profile photos I've been using have been around for approximately ever very long indeed.



  But I'm opening up though (haha) surely but ever so slowly. I guess I need time to (gets ready to wash mouth with bleach) be comfortable with how I look and accept that I will be seeing myself a lot and therefore have to get comfortable with how I look; that way I can be more confident of myself and as a by-product be more open to having photos and videos and all that of myself :-)

me rn

  If you've got a picture with me or of me or whatever other stalkerific thing you have related to me then know that it took a lot for me, even though it seems like simply standing and smiling and staring at a black hole. At the very least I've done something a lot ish sorta probably more than slightly uncomfortable for you, so if that counts for something than I hope it is appreciated :)))




~~bow of thanks for reading~~



December 23, 2014

Radiohead - Reckoner



Reckoner
You can't take it with you
Dancing for your pleasure

You are not to blame for
Bittersweet distractors
Dare not speak its name
Dedicated to all human beings

Because we separate
Like ripples on a blank shore
In rainbows
Because we separate
The ripples on a black shore

Reckoner, take me with you

Dedicated to all human beings

A very happy birthday ~(n-n)~

 A month and one day (it took a while for this OKAY) ago, wrapped in kain and sprawled on the old carpet of an old mosque, an old boy turns older by 365 days. His face is lit up, literally by the light from his super duper cool android okok im 18 smartphone, and figuratively by the wishes he reads from said smartphone.


 I always liked birthdays, mine or others'. Not that I see some sort of need to celebrate the day we are closer to our end by a year, of course. It's simply an opportunity to be happy or make someone happy, and not much else. And I can appreciate that a lot :)


Birthdays for me were always low-key events and have always been for a very long time, partly due to the fact that I don't generally disclose when my birthday actually is (facebook got that covered for me right) but mostly, I suspect, due to the fact that it falls on a school holiday, therefore I'm not really surrounded by many of my friends, but with my family. Which means we just eat out and eat ice cream and generally chill. Which is more than adequate for me \(^~^)/


What I didn't anticipate, however, (this is the part you all wanna read right) is a small surprise planned by my peeps, which involved a really nice cake (thanks for that), singing a copyrighted birthday song, and me looking like an oblivious berk (thanks a lot for that).


Part of the reason why I was so oblivious to the whole thing, may be down to my not expecting anything remotely close to what they have planned in store for me. Despite whatever small clues I found my  brain (or rather its pessimistic realistic pessimistic pessimistic side of it) shrugged it off as crazypants, unrealistic, unreasonable, you're not worth any surprises, those kinda stuff.


(Which isn't baseless anyway, I didn't get any sort of huge surprise throughout my eleven years!!!)


Anyway, the cake was yummy, the surprise left me wanting to throw up out of embarrassment, and my day was made, Like, the thought of my troubles and whatnot such as school and insecurities and house chores and homework just flew away and it was just about relaxing and having fun and generally escaping from all that baggage. Which was nice. And I really liked that ^^


Thank you to every one of my peeps; simple wishes to to my super cool phone at midnight, or if you were one of the accomplices sitting at the same table, I appreciate every thing however small or big or however I react to it in real life trying to be cool and crap I just appreciate everything okay thank you so much you made me feel very weird at my chest area where my heart is touched happy (and sick) and I really appreciate it ^^



November 07, 2014

October 01, 2014

Ghost Confronting: GPA (generally pootastic average)

If you're in a hurry and need a quick summary of this post, the title generally is the whole epitome of this post. I need to clear my head of these thoughts before haunt my face as I go through my next semester.










(deep breath)













(warning: potential gif party)














(brace your mobile data)















(unless you're using wifi)















(suspense)










(unless you alr know my results lah in which case booo)









(okok)




welp in one picture.



-MS6140(Basiclolno Mathematics) = B (3.0)
 
Shocked with this result cos 1)it's math and 2)the paper was another world of hard compared to past papers I was provided and practiced, but mostly cause 1)it's math. Maybe I could have done better? Considering the circumstances it's a good base to build on and my shock is happy shock hehe. Onwards to engineering math /faints










  
-MS6508(Computer Programming) = B (3.0)



















It's an interesting module if only I'd build on what I've learnt (C++) but it's too basic to be of any use so sort of a meh. An A was ideal and a B+ was realistic until I took the unusually hard semester paper. Oh well. My everything other than semestral paper saved this module and I am extremely grateful for that, cos I definitely fell down the consistency stairs by a few steps nearing the end of the semester. Good riddance.

-MM1029(Introdution to HellEngineering) = B (3.0)


   It's funny cos that's the EXACT face I made when I saw what I got for the most credit-heavy and important(?????) module I should be going through. I knew my grade for this here module would probably determine my generally pootastic average, and I probably asked for a B given my shoddy practical work. Everything else was sorta okay, though that isn't saying much cos despite the thickass notes I was given, which covered everything from an engineer's process of thinking to the size and type of screws to the type of machinery used to the ethics behind these things, there really wasn't much but the practical sessions, for some reason. Oh and I had a retiring lecturer for this one who happened to be my form teacher as well. We didn't manage the best of farewells but here's me wishing you a happy retirement :-)

turning and milling machines I had to operate for practical. It's scarier and harder than it looks haha.




-MM1208(Computer Aided Drafting) = B+ (3.5)
















I shouldn't be celebrating a wee B plus, but this module was especially hard ish for a lot of reasons, not least because drafting = drawing and this was basically a Photoshop class for engineering dudes and dudettes, except Photoshop is AutoCAD, a professional engineering drawing application of sorts. Given pretty rubbish eyesight, an even more rubbish hand to eye coordination and a very naggy lecturer, I'm not really complaining. There are shelves in the library filled with book tutorials for this stuff, and I'm just thankful I got to pick up a skill worth that sort of book-coverage, if  that's the right word.

Example drawing, if anyone is curious. 



-LC8002(General Education 2) = B+ (3.5)


Reaction: WHERE'S MY A GIVE ME MY A YOU BIASED PIECE OF RUBBISH YOU I NEVER PUT A FOOT WRONG WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU GIVE ME MY AAAAAAA sigh


-EC1403(Electronics) = C (2.0)


Ranted out about this piece of garbage already. Good RIDDANCE.





Overall Generally Pootastic Average: 2.958

There's nothing really left to do but to soldier on and hope (and do) for the best this coming semester. I should be doing better but hey, I should've done better for prelim Os so hopefully I finish my poly years similarly strong as I did for my secondary life, if not stronger hopefully. Afterall, life still goes on and there's still a way forward, so if anyone has underwhelmed the way I had then LET US RISE FROM THE ASHES AND TOGETHER WE SHALL PROCEED FORWARD  AND CONTINUE THIS LONG AND ARDUOUS MARCH AND TOGETHER WE SHALL OVERCOME AND UH DO BETTER :---)



September 16, 2014

My technological fantasy

  Today I write to you from my Lenovo IdeaPad Y410p, a superbly fast but superbly heavy piece of metal and fake carbon fibre. Beside it is an old Samsung S3, a hand me down from my older brother, a rather functional (circa 2014 haha)piece of phone rendered out of date by the ever rising standards of technology.


Introducing my thousand dollar backache.
(Source:http://notebookspec.com/web/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/y410p-2.jpg)



But I don't care.


From small, I've always been fascinated by technology, if that's the right word. I marvel at the many things that relate to the word technology, from the cars that ply the streets I live in, to the game consoles my friends enthusiastically talk of in school, to the big beautiful buildings that grace the world over, old and new, to those metal birds called airplanes and helicopters (where they got inspiration for the helicopter I don't even know) that zoom past quickly and noisily above our heads.


(Source:http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f2/Singapore_Airlines_Concorde_Fitzgerald-1.jpg)
The Concorde, one of only two supersonic jets for normal people like you and I to travel in, now defunct.
(Yes, Singapore for the home feels.)



I loved how technology just gets better and better, faster and faster. I adored how something as simple as pressing a button, turning a knob, or a wheel, or just pulling triggers can have results often much bigger than how its catalyst (in short, how output>input but yknow keeping things simple haha). I was and have always been, for so long, dreaming of one day harnessing that knowledge and power and mastering it, driving 200 mph death traps or flying two ton death traps with wings, or sailing the seven seas in floating death traps, or starting the next big technological death trap revolution a la Sony with the portable music player or Apple with the first modern smartphone zzzz (let's not get too technical about this highly debatable fact).


(Source: http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2010/10/25/1288010612990/A-Sony-Walkman---005.jpg)
The music player apps and iTuneses of today came from this little piece of plastic, yknow.



With that being said, I dream one day of achieving my dreams, if not just simply writing about them being achieved by someone else, maybe as a tech journalist, doing what I love about what I love to people that I love pay my wages haha. Besides my other passion being writing (another post for another day), getting one of the earlier insights on such things, writing about it in a part of the media that isn't as corrupt and being able to interview the people behind it AND generally being in the whole mix of it is something I would enjoy very much^^





To conclude, I hearts technology, and so should you. Because it's increasingly becoming a bigger part of our lives. What was a dream borne out of science fiction, has and will continue to slowly become our reality :)







September 13, 2014

Where is my son?



Let me tell you a story in the form of a dream,
I don't know why I have to tell it but I know what it means,
Close your eyes, just picture the scene, as I paint it for you,



It was summer '92 when an old man Johnson woke up,
John was just living life with the wife and kids,
Living the American, the Texan, the simpleton life,



Today is a very very special day,
Sure is, brother's finally coming home, I say,
United Airlines, business class, arrival in five,
Wanted to ask brother how he's managed to survive, 
It's been beyond three years since I really saw him last,
But alas!


Right there, breaking news,
Plane's just gone down, all hell breaks loose,
"UNITED AIRLINES  PLANE CRASHED REPORT JUST IN" ,
Pictures of parts all burnin' and smokin',


John fell right into his wooden chair,
Heart heavin' wife screamin' all weeping in despair,
Sons and brothers and friends all up in the air,



But deep down old John was an optimist,
Maybe, maybe, and just maybe,
A different UA is carrying my baby,
But all hope's lost when his pocket's vibrate,
Sudden realisation of life's cruel fate,
Phone screen sayin' flight 23's delayed,


Here he is thinkin' bout what he want,
Here I am wonderin' bout what's to come,
Here all he is just askin',
 Where is my son?










September 05, 2014

Bookie Bites - David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits and the Art of Battling Giants

   In today's horribly late edition of Bookie Bites, I have for you Malcolm Gladwell's new book, titled (yep you guessed it) David and Goliath. This basis of this book revolves around the very tale of these two characters, so I should familiarise you with the story before going on.







To quickly summarise the whole story, Goliath was a hulking warrior sporting heavy armour and heavier weaponry, adequately prepared for a battle and asking for one from the Israelites, the loser of which his tribe(?) (sorry) would be slaves to the other. The Israelites were terrified and when a little shepherd boy volunteered, there was little opposition. After refusing to carry with him the weapons of the leader of the Israelites, David picked up five stones from a brook(idk what that is either) and headed towards Goliath to do battle. What happened next is the stuff of legends.

Goliath, insulted by the fact that a boy was sent to do battle against him, was left distracted. David starts to run toward him, loading the stone into his sling*. Swinging it rapidly, at six or seven revolutions a second, he releases at the right moment and the stone is fired into Goliath's forehead. Goliath falls to his knees, David grabs his sword and cuts his head clean off, an improbable victory. Hence the term coined in the English Language.


But anyway.


As I mentioned earlier, the book tells the tales and know-hows of improbable victories; how they come bout, and how they are overcome. How we all see difficulties, and how they may make us stronger and how some strengths weaken us in the face of adversity. I implore  cheh recommend everyone to pick this book up and have a good long read. It has taught me a lot (self help book cliches aside) and I really really enjoyed reading this book.



A particular part of the book that I found I could relate to was a couple of chapters regarding a student by the name of Caroline Sacks(not her real name duh). Caroline was a girl who breezed through school with As here and As there and As everywhere, due to her bright mind and undying fascination with science.

After high school, she toured universities with her father, checking up meticulously on the many universities she could go to, before settling for Brown University, a prestigious Ivy League school. Marlyand University was her backup, and she decided to major in Chemistry. As far as anybody was concerned, she made the right choice. Choosing the more prestigious school, with more resources, more academically able students, and whatnot, was what anybody would do. She'd accepted the face that she wasn't going to be the big fish anymore, and that true.


What she didn't anticipate was the sheer difficulty that she would face in enrolling into a top course in a top school. She struggled to excel in her examinations, her classmates were reluctant to help her, and the elite environment depressed her, despite her excellent academic ability. She eventually had to drop out and go for an arts major. If she had enrolled in a lesser competitive university, she probably would have pulled through and may  still be studying the subject that she loves. Cue opinion collision that rhymed



Further statistics would also prove that a dropout from a top school would do well and go on to pursue their desired careers if they'd enrolled in a lesser prestigious school. Delightfully paraphrased, of course. While it may seem a bit apparent, I thought it was something I didn't realise, so yeah mindblowing hahaha. The whole story of Caroline was one focusing on the Big Fish-Little Pond effect. As aptly put by the author,

The more elite an educational institution is, the worse students feel about their own academic abilities. Students who would be at the top of their class at a good school can easily fall to the bottom of a really good school. Students who would feel that they have mastered a subject at a good school can have the feeling that they are falling farther and farther behind in a really good school. And that feeling--as subjective and ridiculous and irrational as it may be--matters. How you feel about your abilities--your academic "self-concept"--in the context of your classroom shapes your willingness to tackle challenges and finish difficult tasks. It's a crucial element in your motivation and confidence. "

Conclusion (cos I wanna GAME)

I rate this book (cheh) amazing out of ten. The book delivers information and hard stats in a very digestible and enjoyable way. I learnt mostly, that some setbacks are actually blessings in disguise, sorta like the concept of hikmah, and that it is never ever ever ever impossible to do so. Till next time peepz.  


Sling: A leather pouch in the middle of a cord the ends of which are attached to the middle finger and pinched between the forefinger and thumb respectively. Swung in arcs, one end is relased precisely to launch the projectile.
(Source:http://2012ojhsancient.weebly.com/uploads/1/0/3/3/10333335/4884277_orig.gif)

September 01, 2014

it's ok


You know you can't keep letting it get you down
And you can't keep dragging that dead weight around
Is it really all that much to lug around
Better run like hell when you hit the ground

When the morning comes
When the morning comes

Can't stop those kids from dancing but why would you want to
Especially when you are already getting good?
'Cause when your mind don't move then your knees don't bend
But don't go blaming the kids again

When the morning comes
When the morning comes
When the morning comes

When the morning comes
When the morning comes
When the morning comes

Let it go, this too shall pass
Let it go, this too shall pass

(Let it go, this too shall pass)
You know you can't keep letting it get you down
No, you can't keep letting it get you down

(Let it go, this too shall pass)
Oh, is it really all that much to lug around
And you can't keep letting it get you down

When the morning comes
Oh, you can't keep letting it get you down
No, you can't keep letting it get you down
(When the morning comes)

Oh, you can't keep letting it get you down
No, you can't keep letting it get you down
(When the morning comes)

Oh, you can't keep letting it get you down
No, you can't keep letting it get you down
(When the morning comes)

Oh, you can't keep letting it get you down
No, you can't keep letting it get you down
(When the morning comes)

(might wanna watch the mv tho go scroll backk up)

SCHOOL RANT

So let me tell you the tale of my last paper for my first semester. I have to get this out or I won't enjoy my holidays bear with me for a bit here (if you're here) (edit: still here) (sayang allyall)



Anyway.



It was a lovely Thursday morning in Dover. I was up bright and early (paper was at four FOUR) for said paper though instead of finishing touches of revision, I was doing more of a put-out-a-forest-fire-with-a-bucket-of-water-this-may-not-work kinda studying for this paper. For let me tell you about the module for which this paper is set.

Electronics. Which is basically electricity in physics zoomed way in. There's the formulas, the fact that machines count differently than we do, the many many electrical components in existence,  stuff like that. It's feasible, but only if you have a good lecturer who explains concepts well, effective materials to study with, clear instructions on what to learn and all that good stuff.


Which I didn't have.


For I had a lecturer who was exceptional at everything related to teaching. And by exceptional I mean exceptionally bad puke worthy. Struggled to capture attention let alone teach. The class was also generally noisy and distracting so that sucked as well. I only recalled a dude who could understand the heck she was dribbling about while playing Battlefield 3. Everyone else was just meh. Me included.

Then came the textbook OH the amazing textbook. First of all the textbooks is updated yearly (OR SOMETHING IDK) to keep itself updated. This means past editions are near useless. Add in also that each edition is 25 bucks. And I'd be using it for throughout my three one semester. Only. It would only suck more if one bought the book and somehow some topics aren't covered in the book. Which was what precisely happened as well. I didn't buy the book, by the way. I slagged off the library resources and past year editions. Both of which didn't help a lot due to the different nature of all the books compared to the batcrazy syllabus set.


I should tell you more about this batcrazy syllabus, and the generally bad organisation for this module. Towards the examination, I get three four different sources as to what will be in the dag exam. I have my module coordinator announcing(cos apparently we needed guidelines cos some topics weren't in the book) that these few topics will be in the exam. Fine, great, whatever. Then I had my lecturer who sourced out her slides which labeled which topics were while necessary, conflicted what was announced. Well, this sucks, I guess I should play it safe and spam past year papers. Surely the same questions would be recycled right?

Wronggggg and don't call me Shirley HAHAHAHAHA ill show myself out. Apparently, the syllabus each year was different. Which was swell.

I totally bombed the paper. Not that I didn't bomb the other papers, but I absolutely Hiroshima-ed the hell out of this paper.

So glad the module is over.








August 25, 2014

(belated)Status Report

So my semester has is about to end and I thought I'd take five and do a little write up before resuming my sleepless nights for the last paper (yay). I am actually really sorry I haven't been updating but I have been terribly busy with school, and life in general. Which I will be talking about here ^^


Today marked the end of one of my many exams for my first semester, which has been a rocky ride, to say the least. So far, I've been finding life in polytechnic hectic, the most hardest part being the stringent rules and mini little forms of examinations that can make or break a GPA. I think that's most characteristic of poly life, compared to other institutions. I personally do not think it is tougher, or easier, or whatever, mostly cause I haven't had the experience of being in a junior college, or ITE or whatnot, and therefore am not the right person with the right experience to judge(heh heh).


Besides the strict grading, the next thing that makes poly life poly life methinks is the sheer independence that's necessary in surviving it. There used to be teachers specifically assigned to your class to make sure you do well and some. Now these lecturers and tutorialers(yep) expect you to accept their every lisp and accent and lack of language mastery AND teaching skill. Which, a lot of the time, is the case and also, a lot of the time, a hugely sucky thing.


So far I'm pulling through okay in exams, doing well but not great, which isn't enough apparently cause my class peeps are actually pretty good in their studies haha. But that's a good thing, I can always rely on them for help^^ and motivation unfortunately HAHA cos competition is sadly my strongest drive towards doing well. For now, anyway. It will change, hopefully :)






June 12, 2014

I feel

alone...

April 12, 2014

Bookie Bites- Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom



Hello and welcome to the first and hopefully not the last ever edition of Bookie Bites, where talk about books and the words inside them!!!! 

Tonight we are joined with Mr Mitch Albom's Have a Little Faith as conclusively mentioned by the title published 2009 and read by yours truly only very recently (I am so so sorry)

The story starts with a simple question posed to Mitch, where his childhood pastor, a man by the name of Albert Lewis, asks for him to write his eulogy. The story also follows the times of another pastor, a former drug dealer and convict by the name of Henry Covington, focusing more on his reformation(??) instead of the end of his life as in the former. Mitch's insight into his relationship with his religion is also covered in this book, one which I find at times very relatablez.


Now obviously, I have actually read the book, and I must say that I find it an extremely eye opening piece of literature. The story touches on themes like faith (duhhhhhhhhh) and love (epppp) (I'm 18), a bit of current affairs, basically almost everything under the sun. What has pulled me (and hopefully will pull you) to this book is basically wanting to know those answers from the point of view of  religious mind. Add also the fact that there are many faiths in this world, and couple that with the extremely grey areas of  the best way to live life, what comes after it, and many other cool things and you've got a pretty good read for the best of two weeks :) 

If that sounds slow, then it's ok cos I savour my reads like I savour my food ;)

What comes afterwards is a few choice passages from the book I feel I should share with ally'all. Initial spoiler alert here though. This doesn't mean you read this so you don't have to read the book BUT i wish to share these things to incite lol  some interest to move your butts to the library to read!!!!

Anyway.


The Great Tradition of Running Away

 Adam hid in the Garden of Eden. Moses tried to substitute his brother. Jonah jumped a boat and was swallowed by a whale. 
Man likes to run from God. It's a tradition. So perhaps I was only following tradition when, as soon as I could walk, I started running from Albert Lewis. He was not God, of course; but in my eyes, he was the next closest thing, a holy man, a man of the cloth, the big boss, the head rabbi. My parents joined his congregation when I was an infant. I sat on my mother's lap as he delivered his sermons.
And yet, once I realised who he was-a Man of God -I ran. If I saw him coming down the hallway, I ran. If I had to pass his study, I ran. Even as a teenager, if I spotted him approaching, I ducked down a corridor. He was tall, six foot one, and I felt tiny in his presence. When he looked down through his black-rimmed glasses, I was certain he could see all of my sins and shortcomings.
So I ran.
I ran until he couldn't see me anymore.


Why Bad Things to Good People? 

When I asked the Reb, Why do bad things happen to good people?, he gave none of the standard answers. He quietly said, "No one knows." I admired that. But when I ever asked if that ever shook his belief in God, he was firm.
"I cannot waver," he said.
Well, you could, if you didn't believe in something all-powerful.
"An atheist," he said.
Yerp Yes.
"And then I could explain why my prayers were not answered."
Right.
He studied me carefully. He drew in his breath.
"I had a doctor once who was an atheist. Did I ever tell you about him?"
No.
"This doctor he liked to jab me and my beliefs. He used to schedule my appointments deliberately on Saturdays, so I would have to call the receptionist and explain why, because of my religion, that wouldn't work."
Nice guy, I said.
"Anyhow, one day, I read in the paper that his brother had died. So I made a condolence call."
After the way he treated you?
"In this job," the Reb said, "you don't retaliate."
I laughed.
"So I go to his house, and he sees me. I can tell he is upset. I tell him I am sorry for his loss. And he says, with an angry face, 'I envy you.'
"Why do you envy me?" I said.
" 'Because when you lose someone you love, you can curse God. You can yell. You can blame him. You can demand to know why. But I don't believe in God. I'm a doctor! And I couldn't help my brother!"
"He was near tears. 'Who do I blame?" he kept asking me. 'There is no God. I can only blame myself.' "
The Reb's face tightened, as if in pain.
"That," he said softly, "is a terrible self-indictment."
Worse than an unanswered prayer?
"Oh yes.It is far more comforting to think God listened and said no, than to think that nobody's out there."


Happism

Can I ask you something?
"Yes," he said.
What makes a man happy?
"Well..." He rolled his eyes around the hospital room.
"This may not be the best setting for that question."
Yeah, you're right.
"On the other hand..." He took a deep breath. "On the other hand, here in this building, we must face the real issues. Some people will get better. Some will not. So it may be a good place to define what that word means."
Happiness?
"That's right. The things society tells us we must have to be happy- a new this or that, a bigger house, a better job. I know the falsity of it. I have counseled many people who have all these things, and I can tell you they are not happy because of them.
"The number of marriages that have disintegrated when they had all the stuff in the world. The families who fought and argued all the time, when they had money and health. Having more doesn't keep you from wanting more. And if you always want more- to be richer, more beautiful, more well-known- you are missing the bigger picture, and I can tell you from experience, happiness will never come."

You're not going to tell me to stop and smell the roses, are you?
He chuckled. "Roses would smell better than this place."
Suddenlt, out in the hall, I heard an infant scream, followed by a quick "shhh!" presu,ably from its mother. The Reb heard it, too.
"Now, that child," he said. "reminds me of something our sages taught. When a baby comes into the world, its hands are clenched, right? Like this?"
He made a fist.
"Why? Because a baby, not knowing any better, wants to grab everything, to sat 'The whole world is mine.'
"But when an old person dies, how does he do so? With his hands open. Why? Because he has learned the lesson."
What lesson? I asked.
He streched open his empty fingers.
"We can take nothing with us."
___________________________
"Anyhow," he said, his  voice trailing off.
I hated seeing him in that bed. I wanted him home, with his messy desk and the mismatched clothes. I forced a smile.
So, have we solved the secret of happiness?
"I believe so," he said.
"Are you going to tell me?
"Yes. Ready?"
Ready.
"Be satisfied."
That's it?
"Be grateful."
That's it?
"For what you have. For the love you receive. And for what God has given you."
That's it?
He looked me in the eye. Then he sighed deeply.
"That's it."

A clergy member on pastor Henry Covington
Henry never told me any of this, I said.
"That's why I'm tellingyou," Cass said. "I moved in with his family that night. I stayed there almost a year. A year. He let me sleep on the couch in his main room. His family is upstairs, they got little kids, and I'n sayin' to myself, this man don't know me, he don't know what I'm capable of. But he trusts me."
He shook his head and looked away.
"That kindness asved my life."
We sat there for a second, quiet and cold.I now knew more than I'd ever figured to know about an elder of the I Am My Brother's Keeper Ministry.
What I still didn't know was why.
___________
And then Cass told me:" I see the way you watch the Pastor. You here a lot. And maybe he ain't the way you think a pastor should be.
"But I truly believe the Lord has given me a second chance on account of this man. When I die, Jesus will stand in the gap for me and I will be heard and the Lord will say, 'I know you.' And I believe it's the same for Pastor Covington."
But he's done some bad things in life, I said.
"I know it," Cass said. "I done 'em, too. But it's not me against the other guy. It's God measuring you against you.
"Maybe all you get are chances to do good, and what little bad you do ain't much bad at all. But because God has put you in the position where you can always do good, when you do something bad- it's like you let God down.
"And maybe people who only get chances to do bad, always around bad things, like us, when they finally make something good out of it, God's happy."
He smiled and those stray teeth poked into his lips. And I finally realised wy he had so wanted to tell me his story,
It wasn't about him at all.
You really called Henry "Reb"? I asked.
"Yeah. Why?"
Nothing, I said.



I think this book is personally a huge eye opener into the religious aspects of many things in life. Albeit from the aspect of another faith in Judaism and Christianity (Albert Lewis and Henry Covington respectively).
  As a Muslim, it's inevitable that some material found inside this book is sure to be differently understood slash interpreted slash received in the eyes of Islam. Religious debates have always ravaged on for centuries, and will continue for centuries. We all have our differences, I think we can all agree to that.
  But underneath out different revelations, underneath our different religious practices, underneath our Friday prayers and Sunday church services, there are a few basic principles, a few virtues and teachings that are shared by all out religions.
   Principles of love, of caring for our neighbour, of contributing to a better community, and belief in a power beyond ourselves. We should all be convinced of what we have, but we must also be humble enough to admit that we do not know everything.
And because of that, we have to accept that we may all believe in different things.
And on that conclusion, it's time to end tonight's Bookie Bites. I really appreciate all you guys sticking around till the end. 

Thank you all and until next timez n__n

April 01, 2014

Thoughts unsaid: Family

This is a me giving a few words to everyone of whom I wish I'd spared a few moments of my life to speak with. For all the moments I didn't seize the right opportunity at its right time to have a word with these people, here or not anymore here, like in this world here like alive her-nevermind for all the times I chickened out because I was too scared slash ashamed slash shy slash angry et cetera.

Should you terase or perasan and see yourself below, well, this is your friend(hi gaiz) slash enemy(hopefully not) slash family member(HOPEFULLY NOT) slash student(hi cher) (this is so impossible) slash blogger(you're ok) you know as Mu'az. These words I spit forth below will hopefully put my mind slightly at ease.

Will this be a bashing session? Will all the stuff be derogatory? Or a nice kissing of butts? Maybe ignorant opinions?

The words I spit forth are honest, dudes.

(ofc i have to start with my family right)



 To my dearest parents, where do I begin haha. I guess it be fitting if I go from the start. Throughout my time growing up, I totally get it that I haven't been the best sort of child(??) to be parents to. I couldn't remember how I was actually when I was small, but it was probably along those lines kan. Then you made the conscious decision for an unconscious me to enter madrasah. Then I left (as in graduated not dropped out mind you) and here I am.

Perhaps one of my biggest failings as your child (and as a son to two wonderful parents myself) is that I may have been shortchanging you horribly when it comes to expressing my love for you two. I don't know if you notice (though you two probably do cos parents man) but I was never really a very emotional person, as in when it comes to expressing feelings and all that other stuff I didn't and still don't get. As a result I went about my stuff without doing much of that affection love thing.

 I realised this when I grew older and yknow understood everything better, fortunately. But unfortunately I still didn't rectify it directly. And I guess that was a really bullshitty thing to do. I figured an indirect way to do so was to just keep my head down and work hard and generally make you proud of me. And I really hope I've managed to attain that. It may not be the best, but it's the best I can do /so far/ and Inshallah I'll be better and all :)



  To my dearish siblings, you guys suck. I still love you all :)

To my uncle,

(serious face)


I will try my best to put whatever I have to say as nicely as I really can. I have no idea what happened at work that resulted in your retrenchment. I have no idea what led to the housing development board to take away your apartment. I have no idea why you refused to accept the apartment they offered at another neighborhood. I have no idea how long you plan to stay in your little sister's home. I have no idea how you are contributing to the daily household expenditure. I have no idea why my father never added your family in the list of house occupants for my tuition grant subsidies.

In fact, I have no idea how you got here, or what you plan to do next.

So I cannot and will not judge you nor put you in some form of negative light. That being said, I'm pretty sure some decisions could have been made to land everyone in better places. If I'm wrong, I stand corrected. If I am right, then, well, people make mistakes.

Either way, I hope you will learn to appreciate the sacrifices my parents have made (and collateral in terms of my siblings and I) and I wish you all the best in sorting your problems out.


 
I'm sorry if this is a sour ish way to sign things off haharz until next timez readerz.

March 25, 2014

Best Of You - Foo Fighters





I've got another confession to make
I'm your fool
Everyone's got their chains to break
Holdin' you

Were you born to resist, or be abused?

Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

Or are you gone and onto someone new?

I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn't have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose

My heart is under arrest again
But I'll break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can't choose
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?
It's real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must confess

Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?
It's real, the pain you feel
The life, the love
You'd die to heal
The hope that starts
The broken hearts
You trust, you must confess

Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

I've got another confession my friend
I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new

Were you born to resist, or be abused?
I swear I'll never give in, I refuse

Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
It's real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must confess

Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?