catharsis.

October 12, 2017

Catharsis

1) Recently I’ve thought a lot about my life and I realise my decision to pursue engineering was completely mine, but I can’t deny that there may have been a desire deep down and well-hidden to sort of, idk impress/make proud my parents, going out of my comfort zone to show what I can do. A profession that in their generation (and even now) would be a great achievement, that someone, or someone’s parents, would be proud of.

I studied so hard, and worked through so many shit classmates that sabotage projects and mock me for my race. I failed an obstacle and had to stay on for another semester.

I endured.

Being picked on for it, then, is extremely painful for me, to say the least.

2) Recently I’ve read so many posts and thoughts on racism, privilege and marginalised communities around the world, and now it’s made me think about it, after assuming it just an issue to be solved and not investing any emotional capital into something I’m not entirely well versed in. Now that I have, I realise racism and privilege is something I’ve always shrugged off/repressed. Which now I realise doesn’t mean it isn’t a problem, or that I’m not facing it.

It is, and I have. I remember recently playing games with my friends, once with their knowledge of who I am, and second through a second account no one knows of. And I realise their treatment of me both times changes almost radically.

Knowing it was me, I was constantly harassed and picked on for things others wouldn’t. The butt of terrorist jokes, the but of stereotypical Malay jokes, Islamic and so on. Was this down to race, or just how I am as a person, I will never know. I do know I’ve always been courteous and never one to be mean/hurtful with my words, especially with people I’m not familiar with.

Not knowing, I was treated much more nicely, in a sense that I wasn’t mocked every second of the game. I even got a compliment.

Listen, I’m a pragmatic person who actually fancies the occasional dark humour and banter in the name of fun. But of course there’s a limit, and that limit is often exceeded by certain friends of other races. Ugh, just talking about this drags up unpleasant memories.

Sorry, I failed in trying to keep this short.

3) Stop saying I got fat. I know I got fat. I’m the one who made myself this way. It’s not lost on me. I have eyes that see me, and a body that notices the additional weight.

Why do a surprising number of people feel the need to point that out?

Congratulations, your almost sherlockesque observation skills solved the mystery of who got big! It can’t be a conversation starter, cos holy fuck if you think “wow you got fat” is a viable starter then fucking put yourself in my shoes and think of a good follow up. And please tell me it’s not a joke because no one finds it even remotely funny.

This will sound exaggerated and ridiculous but my life did actually change after I got large, in a sense that I am treated differently. And not in a good way. It might just be people getting used to seeing me like this. (is that a good excuse?) Last time, it brought me to skipping meals and essentially starving myself to thinness to spare myself the shame I got. If this is to happen again, I’m not looking forward to a repeat, but I am forced to look forward to being thin again, instead of accepting myself as I am.

Man, talking about my primary days drags up unpleasant memories.

5) I feel like my life is at a standstill. I am desperately trying to change it, and change it for the better, to make some sort of progress but every step of the way there’s obstacles that hinder me. I’m researching universities, looking for jobs, looking for any opportunity to improve myself. But no cigar. I hope I get to sort myself out soon.

You don’t deserve me like this. No one does.

June 26, 2016

hello darkness my old friend

June 24, 2016

Malacca 2016

A few months back, I made a half-hearted decision to follow my friends to a pantun (malay poetry) competition in Malacca. It turned out to be one of the few decisions I am very glad to have made. This is a list of thoughts that I wish to express to everyone, and here, because I absolutely didn't have the guts nor social skills to do so personally.

1) It revealed a different side to myself. Honestly. The whole experience with pantun was a purely recreational one, a pursuit borne out of peer pressure and stress relief of which I didn't expect to yield anything out of. It turned out to reveal a different side to myself, one who is less logical, less organised, less me. Where I was always serious and focused and inclined on getting things done, I was more expressive, relaxed, and more open, to things, and people.

I really enjoyed exercising my language proficiency. Heck, it wasn't even about proficiency. The Malaysians had that; they were powerful with their big words and booming voices. What I practiced was using small words to convey big messages, since my vocabulary was lacking. But oh, what fun it was, playing around with words and crafting up creative ways to say I love you, or I absolutely loathe you, and whatnot. I thoroughly had fun exchanging pantun with the Malaysians, and I realised that I sorely missed this; being this language-y person, who didn't care about the world and its numbers and facts, and just bringing colour to a grey sky, with beautiful words, and eloquent music, and all that rainbow stuff. My artistic side (I consider language an art, apologies for differing opinions) was, in a way, unleashed, and I really, really needed that.

2) I am thankful. To everyone. I came home with a neat little award. On the front it says Pemantun Baru Lelaki Terbaik. And I have everyone to thank for that. My teachers taught me a huge deal, and my friends with whom I practiced together were such good examples to imitate, learn from and improve on. I'm not sure if anyone harvests ill feelings towards it, cause it may seem undeserving (there were many better than myself) but I really hope there isn't any. I really really feel thankful for the award, and to all my friends and teachers who have taught me. The award isn't for me, but it is dedicated to them; for being supportive, knowledgeable and ever so energetic. Thank you, all :)

Till next time.

November 11, 2015

Lessons from the peoper's rebubric of China

Hello.

Sometime mid September, immediately after the end of my semestral exams, I was promptly shipped off (by plane haha) to do my overseas industrial training programme, or OITP, in the People's Republic of China. There, I spent six weeks with an American aerospace company called Pratt & Whitney. There I had a whirlwind of a time, and here, I shall tell you some things about it and also some lessons from the peoper's rebubric of China.

(see what I did there I slid the title of the pos--nevermind)

flying was fuuun the views were niiice

Week one: The week of independence

this was a tiny garden place to chill at work

My first week in China was pretty intense. Taking all of Beijing in, settling down in my hotel, making friends, everything took place quickly. This was my first everything; being in China, being there for six weeks, being there for that long without family, it was all new. And it was all so much fun. So it made sense that my first lesson there was the lesson of independence. I was always an independent child (chey) (my MOM said that ok) so I was sort of alright. Besides overspending my money. And spending too much of my free time lazing around instead of studying. And falling ill for quite a few days. But let's not worry about technicalities :)

Anyway, I had to cope with being alone (friends aside), and taking care of myself, and I am relieved to say that I may have slightly exaggerated before and actually did quite ok ^^ Perhaps my biggest issue was with my terrible homesickness, and sure enough I felt it enveloping my mind from the third week onwards. I didn't really prepare myself (or the people around me) for my leaving, so it was coming, but fortunately I managed to weather the storm (or haze) (since China) (no? ok)

Week two: The week of industriousness

a really big engine

The second week was a week of work. Like literal work. Getting to grips with the Beijing life, learning about the magic of how jet engines work and how they keep really heavy stuff from really falling into the ground, making friends (hardest work so far) and doing laundry and washing dishes. There may or may not have been a housekeeping service to help with the chores. I have no comment on that. But anyway, the second week saw me finally settle in for the next few weeks away from home, in a small hotel with friends, herbal tea, and lots and lots of cool engineering stuff. It almost sounds like bliss :)

a hangar of engines!

Week three: The week of religion

front of Nu Jie mosque, oldest in Beijing

On the third week, I made an interesting discovery regarding my hotel. It was comfortable and cosy, but it was still old and rather bleak; the rooms were not as well lit as I would've liked, and the hallways were especially dim and gloomy. Like, I've seen brighter streets in Singapore kinda gloomy.

Anyway. I discovered my hotel may be occupied by more than humans. I thought it was a load of bull semen (that's actually very expensive) ( but you get the point) but then things started happening throughout the dang place. Toilets suddenly smelt like vomit, doors were being endlessly knocked on at dead hours of the night, strange figures were being seen where they shouldn't have; one particular room (my peers changed from this room cos it was freaky shiz) had the especially uncomfortable aura about it, and..... I'm slowly freaking myself out as I type this in the dark of my room..

Anyway. Besides my lavatory smelling like a drunkard's vomited all over the floor, I didn't really experience anything ~out of the ordinary~ besides the odd hair on end moments. I prayed harder, and read more of the Quran as a form of insurance (there's nothing to lose going down that road btw) and generally ignored and eradicated any opportunity that I may have in experiencing anything out of sorts.

I cringed at the thought of having three more weeks of staying there, so I prepared accordingly and apprehensively.The toilet (weirdly) stopped smelling like cat pee, and everything slowly returned to normal, bar the odd anomaly. This may be one of the contributing factors to my wanna-balik impulse. I am a brave boy :)

Week four: The week of smelling roses

orympic stadium!!

Week four. Week four was the week where I was really enjoying my time in the People's Republic. The adventures to attractions like the Forbidden City, the Great Wall, the many many shopping districts and the workplace itself, everything was thoroughly interesting and fun and I didn't want it to end, homesickness aside.

The fourth week taught me how to stop and smell the roses, or rather smell them better. To stop and look beyond the hectic and harried thoughts and going ons of school, or work, or anything for that matter; to stop and appreciate the finer details of our daily misadventures, the smiles of strangers, the random act of kindness to someone in need, the accomplished feeling after a long day of work, the good food we take advantage of a lot (emphasis here x100000), these intricacies that we overlook because we worry for our future well-being, or that deadline for that project, whatever it may be.

We shouldn't let ourselves miss the beauty of the today worrying about a perpetual tomorrow. I don't know about you, but my mental health improves with all of this in mind, and I can only hope everyone who reads shall feel this improvement as well and not instead feel that I am spouting hogwash :)

Week five: The week of positional awareness

The coming of the fifth week was the week I finally realised(and accepted) my current position: a boy with his pals in foreign lands. I shall cut right to the chase and talk of positional awareness, and what exactly I mean and whether it's total bull.

In football, the notion of positional awareness is important for players. It's one thing to know what your role is in the team. It's one thing to know what the roles of your teammates are in the game. It's an entirely other thing to know both things, make sense of it, and modify your play accordingly, and that is positional awareness. In a very crude sense, anyway.

I feel it relates a bit to how we live our lives everyday too. We have to understand that each of us are uniquely different with our own abilities, but also in our struggles. So we should treat each other with that fact in mind, with the respect and without the cynicism; living for six weeks in China and having to properly get to know people I may have dismissed prior, this is one of the biggest nuggets of advice I can share to yalls :)

Week six: The week of friendship

peeps

My final week in China was a thoroughly memorable one indeed. Farewells, last kopeks at hanging around the capital, eating duck (!!) more farewells, it was so nice. I have rarely felt so happy (to be going home!!) yet so sad (to be leavinggg) it was a whirlwind.

The friends I managed to make made the trip an extremely enjoyable trip, and I am eternally grateful for that. The people I met there have helped me immensely in settling down, and honestly I had so much fun learning and relaxing and sightseeing and all that stuff. Sure, some things didn't go well, like the haunted hotel of terror and the fire breakout and all that, but all of those contributed to a thoroughly memorable trip, and I couldn't have asked for more.

Thank you to SP, friends, educators back at China, but my parents most of all for ensuring I would be able to go and do well so far away JazaakAllah and till next time :)

goodbye :(

August 11, 2015

Eventually

If only there could be another way to do this
Cause it feels like murder
To put your heart through this
I know I always said that I could never hurt you
Well this is the very very last time I'm ever going to [?]

But I know that I'll be happier
And I know you will too
Said, I know that I'll be happier
And I know you will too

Eventually
Eventually

Wish I could turn you back into a stranger
Cause If I was never in your life
You wouldn't have to change this

But I know that I'll be happier
And I know you will too
Said, I know that I'll be happier
And I know you will too

Eventually
Eventually

And I know just what I've got to do
And it's got to be soon
Cause I know that I'll be happier
And I know you will too

Eventually
Eventually
Eventually
Eventually
Eventually
Eventually
Eventually

-------

The song is about knowing that you’re about to damage someone almost irreparably, and the only consolation you get is this distant hope that they’ll be alright eventually, because you know they aren’t going to be now or soon. It’s like “Fuck!” That’s all I remember. I was on the back of the scooter and the wind was rushing through me. I guess I can’t really deny [that it’s a breakup song], but at the same time I like songs to be ambiguous. I hate to say that a song is about this and you must interpret it this way, because one of the cool things is to hear someone’s interpretation of one of your songs that’s completely different. That’s when you feel like you’ve done something that belongs not just to you. That’s when you feel like your music belongs to the world.

March 06, 2015

Final Masquerade (acoustic)

To whomever it may concern

Hello.

That's how I start letters and conversations nowadays. I'd start with your name, but, you know. It's an old and probably odd way to start them yet it works a good percentage of the time, so here I am.

Hello.

At the time of writing I am very alive and very well; I've just finished my Isha' prayers, and I hope you are in fine form as well.

Let's talk about that for a moment.

Are you feeling well? No, not in a physical sense. There's nothing more to do than to swallow pills and pray if you're physically ill, we both know that. I'm more concerned about the mental you, the you that resides up there(points to the head) and down here (rests palm on chest). This is a more, let's just say, delicate part of human interaction.

It's not simply black and white. Or white and gold. Or black and blue.

I get that. Of course I get that. That's why you're not feeling better and I'm not doing much to make you feel better. Or not at all. Sorry for being a rubbish friend.

I am a very rubbish friend.

I don't have many of them as a result. I'd say it was just a crazy defence mechanism but I just have few friends because I'm really really crap at friendism. Even my choice of companionship was reasonably crap at some point in time. As a result the ones that I do currently have I'm holding on very dear to. And yes, that includes you as well. I wish for nothing but the best for the people I care about outside of my family.

I absolutely know you're going through an extremely hard time. The high levels of emotional stress must be getting to you. I can feel it from my (highest resolution of any) phone (ever) screen. Right now I am pretty silent and I haven't said anything. That's because I figured one would appreciate time alone and away from everything to think things out. At least, that's what I would've needed. But I keep learning that that won't be the case every time or everybody, for that matter. That being said, I do hope you're feeling okay. I don't tell you every time or have the opportunity to show it, but I really do.

One of the feelings I detest feeling is helplessness. I always at the very least try to help, and when I can't help that plays a lot in my head. And when I see you in a state less than fine, and I can't do anything about it, that's a very bad situation to be in.

But then there would come other situations, situations when you're all fine and cheerful. That's good. In fact, that's the only kind of you I would ever want to see. It's the kind of you everyone loves to see. No sad faces, no negativity, nothing to worry about. Just sunshine and positivity all round. What I wouldn't give to see you in that portrait of 11 out of 10 happy.

Unfortunately, this aforementioned portrait hasn't got myself in it. Are you happier with other people? It doesn't matter, as long as you're happy, I reckon. Who am I to stop you from being happy, right? They share the same struggles you do. This is the common ground I formerly had with you. They're remotely similar now, at best. This shouldn't be a barrier, but it's taken its fair toll hasn't it?

So have many other things. But forget all that.

If there's one thing I want you to take away from this, it's just that I want you to not be down or sad or stressed and all that, and I pray that you be in a state of positive mental health all the time. If it means my not being around then that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. At the end of the day, I really just care deeply for you and want you to feel better again.

See you, dear companion.

December 30, 2014

Pet Phobia: Camera Shyism

Ever since I was small (or something deep rooted like that probably) I was never gonna get along with a camera, Not taking photos, I think I do a tidy ~~enough~~ job of that, I just struggle at having people take photos or videos of me.

And I have no idea why.

This is one of many things about myself that bug me at the back of my head. Today I talk about my camera shyness, and this is Pet Phobia.

(intro song yayayaya)

As I mentioned before the dancing Bane, I do actually have not a single clue why I am camera shy.

It gets pretty ironic because I am actually comfortable speaking publicly and all that self exposure stuff. Until it actually comes to those related to cameras. I do struggle to rewatch videos of my public exposures and it may be partly due to how cringe-worthy I was. You could probably count in voice recordings too. I don't like to look at myself in the mirror either. Basically anything that requires me to listen or see myself, I just give in.

(You can add photos taken at outings I've been to to it too ~~yes that made grammatical sense~~, since I've been in one pretty recently heeh)

(If I sound too weird you have my permission to take five here for a bit)

I maybe have a small theory on what I think is the reason behind my shyness and I shall start with 1) a lack of self confidence. I don't lack self confidence. I don't think I do anyway. I have enough of it to have a big mouth and all that, so like I said earlier it would be ironic to shun photos of myself. Maybe it's something I'm not confident in? Maybe I fear what I look like in a photo or video or how I sound in a recording. That does sound plausible. Unlike my being noisy with my mouth skills, I am slightly (okay more than slightly) not too assured of myself dari segi aesthetics. I shrug it off though, I wish not to commit too much thinking to such things that matter less (??????) than others.

As a result I do avoid them when I can unless I'm not the main subject of such material(pictures with ~~baes~~ ~~squads~~ ~~acquaintances~~ ~~people ive been familiar with their existence these 11 years~~ peeps), or if they're absolutely necessary(photos for documents or whatever). Even the profile photos I've been using have been around for approximately ~~ever~~ very long indeed.

But I'm opening up though (haha) surely but ever so slowly. I guess I need time to (gets ready to wash mouth with bleach) be comfortable with how I look and accept that I will be seeing myself a lot and therefore have to get comfortable with how I look; that way I can be more confident of myself and as a by-product be more open to having photos and videos and all that of myself :-)

me rn

If you've got a picture with me or of me or whatever other stalkerific thing you have related to me then know that it took a lot for me, even though it seems like simply standing and smiling and staring at a black hole. At the very least I've done something ~~a lot ish sorta probably more than~~ slightly uncomfortable for you, so if that counts for something than I hope it is appreciated :)))

~~bow of thanks for reading~~

December 23, 2014

Radiohead - Reckoner

Reckoner

You can't take it with you

Dancing for your pleasure

You are not to blame for

Bittersweet distractors

Dare not speak its name

Dedicated to all human beings

Because we separate

Like ripples on a blank shore

In rainbows

Because we separate

The ripples on a black shore

Reckoner, take me with you

Dedicated to all human beings

A very happy birthday ~(n-n)~

A month and one day (it took a while for this OKAY) ago, wrapped in kain and sprawled on the old carpet of an old mosque, an old boy turns older by 365 days. His face is lit up, literally by the light from his ~~super duper cool android okok im 18~~ smartphone, and figuratively by the wishes he reads from said smartphone.

I always liked birthdays, mine or others'. Not that I see some sort of need to celebrate the day we are closer to our end by a year, of course. It's simply an opportunity to be happy or make someone happy, and not much else. And I can appreciate that a lot :)

Birthdays for me were always low-key events and have always been for a very long time, partly due to the fact that I don't generally disclose when my birthday actually is (facebook got that covered for me right) but mostly, I suspect, due to the fact that it falls on a school holiday, therefore I'm not really surrounded by many of my friends, but with my family. Which means we just eat out and eat ice cream and generally chill. Which is more than adequate for me \(^~^)/

What I didn't anticipate, however, (this is the part you all wanna read right) is a small surprise planned by my peeps, which involved a really nice cake (thanks for that), singing a copyrighted birthday song, and me looking like an oblivious berk (thanks a lot for that).

Part of the reason why I was so oblivious to the whole thing, may be down to my not expecting anything remotely close to what they have planned in store for me. Despite whatever small clues I found my brain (or rather its ~~pessimistic~~ ~~realistic~~ ~~pessimistic~~ pessimistic side of it) shrugged it off as crazypants, unrealistic, unreasonable, you're not worth any surprises, those kinda stuff.

(Which isn't baseless anyway, I didn't get any sort of huge surprise throughout my eleven years!!!)

Anyway, the cake was yummy, the surprise left me wanting to throw up out of embarrassment, and my day was made, Like, the thought of my troubles and whatnot such as school and insecurities and house chores and homework just flew away and it was just about relaxing and having fun and generally escaping from all that baggage. Which was nice. And I really liked that ^^

Thank you to every one of my peeps; simple wishes to to my ~~super cool~~ phone at midnight, or if you were one of the accomplices sitting at the same table, I appreciate every thing however small or big or however I react to it in real life trying to be cool and crap I just appreciate everything okay thank you so much you made me feel very ~~weird at my chest area where my heart is~~ ~~touched~~ happy (and sick) and I really appreciate it ^^

November 07, 2014

leave a light on

October 15, 2014

157. AMY POEHLER: Great people do things before they’re ready

October 01, 2014

Ghost Confronting: GPA (generally pootastic average)

If you're in a hurry and need a quick summary of this post, the title generally is the whole epitome of this post. I need to clear my head of these thoughts before haunt my face as I go through my next semester.

(deep breath)

(warning: potential gif party)

(brace your mobile data)

(unless you're using wifi)

(suspense)

(unless you alr know my results lah in which case booo)

(okok)

welp in one picture.

-MS6140(Basiclolno Mathematics) = B (3.0)

Shocked with this result cos 1)it's math and 2)the paper was another world of hard compared to past papers I was provided and practiced, but mostly cause 1)it's math. Maybe I could have done better? Considering the circumstances it's a good base to build on and my shock is happy shock hehe. Onwards to engineering math /faints

-MS6508(Computer Programming) = B (3.0)

It's an interesting module if only I'd build on what I've learnt (C++) but it's too basic to be of any use so sort of a meh. An A was ideal and a B+ was realistic until I took the unusually hard semester paper. Oh well. My everything other than semestral paper saved this module and I am extremely grateful for that, cos I definitely fell down the consistency stairs by a few steps nearing the end of the semester. Good riddance.

-MM1029(Introdution to ~~Hell~~Engineering) = B (3.0)

It's funny cos that's the EXACT face I made when I saw what I got for the most credit-heavy and important(?????) module I should be going through. I knew my grade for this here module would probably determine my generally pootastic average, and I probably asked for a B given my shoddy practical work. Everything else was sorta okay, though that isn't saying much cos despite the thickass notes I was given, which covered everything from an engineer's process of thinking to the size and type of screws to the type of machinery used to the ethics behind these things, there really wasn't much but the practical sessions, for some reason. Oh and I had a retiring lecturer for this one who happened to be my form teacher as well. We didn't manage the best of farewells but here's me wishing you a happy retirement :-)

turning and milling machines I had to operate for practical. It's scarier and harder than it looks haha.

-MM1208(Computer Aided Drafting) = B+ (3.5)

I shouldn't be celebrating a wee B plus, but this module was especially hard ish for a lot of reasons, not least because drafting = drawing and this was basically a Photoshop class for engineering dudes and dudettes, except Photoshop is AutoCAD, a professional engineering drawing application of sorts. Given pretty rubbish eyesight, an even more rubbish hand to eye coordination and a very naggy lecturer, I'm not really complaining. There are shelves in the library filled with book tutorials for this stuff, and I'm just thankful I got to pick up a skill worth that sort of book-coverage, if that's the right word.

Example drawing, if anyone is curious.

-LC8002(General Education 2) = B+ (3.5)

Reaction: WHERE'S MY A GIVE ME MY A YOU BIASED PIECE OF RUBBISH YOU I NEVER PUT A FOOT WRONG WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU GIVE ME MY AAAAAAA sigh

-EC1403(Electronics) = C (2.0)

Ranted out about this piece of garbage already. Good RIDDANCE.

Overall Generally Pootastic Average: 2.958

There's nothing really left to do but to soldier on and hope (and do) for the best this coming semester. I should be doing better but hey, I should've done better for prelim Os so hopefully I finish my poly years similarly strong as I did for my secondary life, if not stronger hopefully. Afterall, life still goes on and there's still a way forward, so if anyone has underwhelmed the way I had then LET US RISE FROM THE ASHES AND TOGETHER WE SHALL PROCEED FORWARD AND CONTINUE THIS LONG AND ARDUOUS MARCH AND TOGETHER WE SHALL OVERCOME AND UH DO BETTER :---)

September 16, 2014

My technological fantasy

Today I write to you from my Lenovo IdeaPad Y410p, a superbly fast but superbly heavy piece of metal and fake carbon fibre. Beside it is an old Samsung S3, a hand me down from my older brother, a rather functional (circa 2014 haha)piece of phone rendered out of date by the ever rising standards of technology.

Introducing my thousand dollar backache.

(Source:http://notebookspec.com/web/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/y410p-2.jpg)

But I don't care.

From small, I've always been fascinated by technology, if that's the right word. I marvel at the many things that relate to the word technology, from the cars that ply the streets I live in, to the game consoles my friends enthusiastically talk of in school, to the big beautiful buildings that grace the world over, old and new, to those metal birds called airplanes and helicopters (where they got inspiration for the helicopter I don't even know) that zoom past quickly and noisily above our heads.

(Source:http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f2/Singapore_Airlines_Concorde_Fitzgerald-1.jpg)

The Concorde, one of only two supersonic jets for normal people like you and I to travel in, now defunct.

(Yes, Singapore for the home feels.)

I loved how technology just gets better and better, faster and faster. I adored how something as simple as pressing a button, turning a knob, or a wheel, or just pulling triggers can have results often much bigger than how its catalyst (in short, how output>input but yknow keeping things simple haha). I was and have always been, for so long, dreaming of one day harnessing that knowledge and power and mastering it, driving 200 mph death traps or flying two ton death traps with wings, or sailing the seven seas in floating death traps, or starting the next big technological ~~death trap~~ revolution a la Sony with the portable music player or Apple with the first modern smartphone ~~zzzz~~ (let's not get too technical about this highly debatable fact).

(Source: http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2010/10/25/1288010612990/A-Sony-Walkman---005.jpg)

The music player apps and iTuneses of today came from this little piece of plastic, yknow.

With that being said, I dream one day of achieving my dreams, if not just simply writing about them being achieved by someone else, maybe as a tech journalist, doing what I love about what I love to people that ~~I love~~ pay my wages haha. Besides my other passion being writing (another post for another day), getting one of the earlier insights on such things, writing about it in a part of the media that isn't as corrupt and being able to interview the people behind it AND generally being in the whole mix of it is something I would enjoy very much^^

To conclude, I hearts technology, and so should you. Because it's increasingly becoming a bigger part of our lives. What was a dream borne out of science fiction, has and will continue to slowly become our reality :)

September 13, 2014

Where is my son?

Let me tell you a story in the form of a dream,

I don't know why I have to tell it but I know what it means,

Close your eyes, just picture the scene, as I paint it for you,

It was summer '92 when an old man Johnson woke up,

John was just living life with the wife and kids,

Living the American, the Texan, the simpleton life,

Today is a very very special day,

Sure is, brother's finally coming home, I say,

United Airlines, business class, arrival in five,

Wanted to ask brother how he's managed to survive,

It's been beyond three years since I really saw him last,

But alas!

Right there, breaking news,

Plane's just gone down, all hell breaks loose,

"UNITED AIRLINES PLANE CRASHED REPORT JUST IN" ,

Pictures of parts all burnin' and smokin',

John fell right into his wooden chair,

Heart heavin' wife screamin' all weeping in despair,

Sons and brothers and friends all up in the air,

But deep down old John was an optimist,

Maybe, maybe, and just maybe,

A different UA is carrying my baby,

But all hope's lost when his pocket's vibrate,

Sudden realisation of life's cruel fate,

Phone screen sayin' flight 23's delayed,

Here he is thinkin' bout what he want,
Here I am wonderin' bout what's to come,
Here all he is just askin',
Where is my son?

September 05, 2014

Bookie Bites - David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits and the Art of Battling Giants

In today's horribly late edition of Bookie Bites, I have for you Malcolm Gladwell's new book, titled (yep you guessed it) David and Goliath. This basis of this book revolves around the very tale of these two characters, so I should familiarise you with the story before going on.

To quickly summarise the whole story, Goliath was a hulking warrior sporting heavy armour and heavier weaponry, adequately prepared for a battle and asking for one from the Israelites, the loser of which his tribe(?) (sorry) would be slaves to the other. The Israelites were terrified and when a little shepherd boy volunteered, there was little opposition. After refusing to carry with him the weapons of the leader of the Israelites, David picked up five stones from a brook(idk what that is either) and headed towards Goliath to do battle. What happened next is the stuff of legends.

Goliath, insulted by the fact that a boy was sent to do battle against him, was left distracted. David starts to run toward him, loading the stone into his sling*. Swinging it rapidly, at six or seven revolutions a second, he releases at the right moment and the stone is fired into Goliath's forehead. Goliath falls to his knees, David grabs his sword and cuts his head clean off, an improbable victory. Hence the term coined in the English Language.

But anyway.

As I mentioned earlier, the book tells the tales and know-hows of improbable victories; how they come bout, and how they are overcome. How we all see difficulties, and how they may make us stronger and how some strengths weaken us in the face of adversity. I ~~implore~~ cheh recommend everyone to pick this book up and have a good long read. It has taught me a lot (self help book cliches aside) and I really really enjoyed reading this book.

A particular part of the book that I found I could relate to was a couple of chapters regarding a student by the name of Caroline Sacks(not her real name duh). Caroline was a girl who breezed through school with As here and As there and As everywhere, due to her bright mind and undying fascination with science.

After high school, she toured universities with her father, checking up meticulously on the many universities she could go to, before settling for Brown University, a prestigious Ivy League school. Marlyand University was her backup, and she decided to major in Chemistry. As far as anybody was concerned, she made the right choice. Choosing the more prestigious school, with more resources, more academically able students, and whatnot, was what anybody would do. She'd accepted the face that she wasn't going to be the big fish anymore, and that true.

What she didn't anticipate was the sheer difficulty that she would face in enrolling into a top course in a top school. She struggled to excel in her examinations, her classmates were reluctant to help her, and the elite environment depressed her, despite her excellent academic ability. She eventually had to drop out and go for an arts major. If she had enrolled in a lesser competitive university, she probably would have pulled through and may still be studying the subject that she loves. Cue opinion collision ~~that rhymed~~

Further statistics would also prove that a dropout from a top school would do well and go on to pursue their desired careers if they'd enrolled in a lesser prestigious school. Delightfully paraphrased, of course. While it may seem a bit apparent, I thought it was something I didn't realise, so yeah mindblowing hahaha. The whole story of Caroline was one focusing on the Big Fish-Little Pond effect. As aptly put by the author,

" The more elite an educational institution is, the worse students feel about their own academic abilities. Students who would be at the top of their class at a good school can easily fall to the bottom of a really good school. Students who would feel that they have mastered a subject at a good school can have the feeling that they are falling farther and farther behind in a really good school. And that feeling--as subjective and ridiculous and irrational as it may be--matters. How you feel about your abilities--your academic "self-concept"--in the context of your classroom shapes your willingness to tackle challenges and finish difficult tasks. It's a crucial element in your motivation and confidence. "

Conclusion (cos I wanna GAME)

I rate this book (cheh) amazing out of ten. The book delivers information and hard stats in a very digestible and enjoyable way. I learnt mostly, that some setbacks are actually blessings in disguise, sorta like the concept of hikmah, and that it is never ever ever ever impossible to do so. Till next time peepz.

Sling: A leather pouch in the middle of a cord the ends of which are attached to the middle finger and pinched between the forefinger and thumb respectively. Swung in arcs, one end is relased precisely to launch the projectile.

(Source:http://2012ojhsancient.weebly.com/uploads/1/0/3/3/10333335/4884277_orig.gif)

September 01, 2014

it's ok

You know you can't keep letting it get you down

And you can't keep dragging that dead weight around

Is it really all that much to lug around

Better run like hell when you hit the ground

When the morning comes

Can't stop those kids from dancing but why would you want to

Especially when you are already getting good?

'Cause when your mind don't move then your knees don't bend

But don't go blaming the kids again

When the morning comes

Let it go, this too shall pass

(Let it go, this too shall pass)

You know you can't keep letting it get you down