It's that time of year again

As the year 2012 winds down to an end and the following year dawns upon you and I, we look back at the amazingly good, the horribly bad, and the downright nasty of this year. These highlights of the year will hopefully be able to sum up this rollercoaster year and do good as a warning memento in the near future.

Probably the first thing that comes to mind is the STE examinations and the journey throughout the year. This is probably the only thing that has been amazingly good while being able to be horribly bad and at times downright nasty.Overall, I believe that it has just been absolutely immense, taking in all the life lessons, the daunting stress of the mind, the late nights, the minimal laughs and the post-exam freedom, I'm extremely grateful I've gone through it all. Would I go through it again? Yes and no. But more to no.

Along with raping the mind with books throughout the first few weeks, the school decides to wedge an inter-school competition in the midst of the whole thing. While this was distracting the hell out of all of us, it was still a pretty amazingly good experience. And probably the last. For this year marks the last of the Inter-Madrasah Games, or more aptly known as IMG, and, while looking alarmingly similar to an image format, it has been good while it lasted, and although I only managed a solitary silver, I won't spout any excuses (though tbh the only competitive year was this year) (and the stadium was absolute rubbish) (IT WAS EXAM YEAR) and accept it and wave farewell and look to the future. And IHG. Which has been equally great. Credits to JMS for destroying IMG.

Besides shoving sports events up our bottoms, the school decided we should have a debate team (two in fact, if not for the other team being, well, non-existent really) sent for a debate competition. Along with four other mates, we managed to claw our way through preliminaries, scrape through the quarters and semis, before surprisingly breezing through the finals, brushing aside opponents from universities and tertiary insituitions. As a personal account, I was badly written off by a number of people only known to the same four members that I was with, but well, I've succeeded. So really, shove it up your asses. It was such an enlightening utopia from the humdrum studying and I've really come to like it. So, when's the next competition?


This year also marked the first time I was diagnosed with cataracts. After suspected by an optician, I was sent to a hospital to see what's what. I had to go through blood tests and acuity tests and half the year's worth of time waiting as doctors try to find out why I'm down with cataracts. Doctors pin it down on hereditary issues but I'm pretty sure I got it out of nothing. Either way, surgery was decided after everything was over, which was around the end of the year, but sadly along the way I had to miss out two to three weeks of the holiday time doing strenuous stuff like sports. And I was too long-sighted for close-range activities from reading and writing to using my phone (sobs). Anyway. an assessment after the surgeries were done revealed that the lens in my left is off by a mere 200 degrees. Mere. I'm scheduled for another surgery to replace the lens next year so hopefully it will all be well. Downright nasty.

This year also marked the departure and disposal of two of my classmates. I'll let you categorize this into wherever you want. Honestly, one was a full on 24 stone prick who is deluded and sadly ignorantly stupid. He leaves after the school had decided after four years, that they'd had enough, and would let him go or they'd expel the pillock, four years too late. He didn't pay the fees, he never paid attention in class, and is constantly into trouble. Now he hasn't any future.  The other was a real asshat who thinks himself above others and generally is a wanker. This one was a tad smart though, albeit not smart enough to do what's right and eventually migrate out of the country. Both of you have cause me a great deal of trouble, and I wish of you all the best in future. Now sod off already.

There's probably a ton of other things, but I'm afraid I can't recall. Maybe next time I won't be as mentally old and will remember the good times. Here's to an immense 2012 and until next time, happy new year gaiz.

Nostalgia

You could be happyAnd I won't knowBut you weren't happyThe day I watched you go
And all the thingsThat I wished I had not saidAre played on loopsTill it's madness in my head
Is it too late to remind youHow we wereBut not our last days of silenceScreaming, blur
Most of what I rememberMakes me sureI should have stopped you from walkingOut the door
You could be happyI hope you areYou made me happierThan I'd been by far
Somehow everythingI own smells of youAnd for the tiniest momentIt's all not true
Do the thingsThat you always wanted toWithout me there to hold you backDon't think, just do
More than anythingI want to see you goTake a glorious biteOut of the whole world

The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel

Purgation

The plane didn't have a smooth flight. A swoop to the left, a swoop to the right, and a few disconcerting spins before the nose went too high up and stalled, causing it to nose-dive for the lush grass.

Matthew watches on as the paper plane fell from the starless sky down the horizon. The tall grass meant he would miss the moment of impact, and along with it any trace of its location as it disappeared into the dark of the night. We have a bird down, Matt says in his head, plopping onto the soft greens, clearing his lungs.

Matt's watch ticks midnight. The moon was still going strong, lighting up the obsolete sky and he could feel his pulse slowing as he relaxed. This was his little utopia, a getaway place where he would retreat to for a catharsis of the mind. No friends, no music, just a frenzied mind and blank acres of land to dispose of it all. He was suddenly snapped back into reality when he hears the rustling of paper.

Still prone on the ground, he turns to his left and picks up the same paper plane that he had just thrown, eyeing it curiously. That's not supposed to happen, he thought. He fingers the makeshift flaps on the wing of the plane, two straight cuts separated by a minute gap, where the bit of paper in between is then deftly sloped downward or upward, according to the pilot, of course.

"Your flaps are good, but you should take more care in folding the paper. It's not gonna glide smoothly if it's all unbalanced, you know."

Matthew flipped onto his back in reply. The flaps were adjusted to counter the imbalance. Unsuccessfully it seems, thought Matt. He wasn't expecting another person to be around, not at this time of night, and certainly not of the opposite gender. He holds the paper plane up above his face, and imitated its gliding motion against the backdrop of the night sky.

"Thanks, I guess."

Matt could hear the shuffling of feet against the grass as she comes up beside him stoops down.

"Is this seat taken? I'll just leave if you wanna be alone, I mean, no one goes here expecting company anyway."

"Nah, stick around if you want to. I just wanted to get away from all that." Matt points toward the city skyline, a brilliant mosaic of light and noise, now a distant glow from the fields.

He sits up, propping his back on two arms as the girl settles down an awkward distance away beside him, hugging her two legs and resting her head on her knees.

"So what brought you here?"

It was only now that Matt had the chance to see her, or what he could see of her, for she had her dark hair resting on her right, Matt's left, concealing all but pale skin as she stared on into the distance.

It was only when she turned to answer that he could see a pair of earnest eyes that could've been any shade of dark, accompanied with little wrinkles around them that Matt assumed were from years of spectacle use. Matt took to great heights trying not to stare for too long.

"I erm, had a bit of argument back home and wanted to walk it off."

Even now, against the scarce moonlight, she radiated a certain air about herself, one of discreet beauty and perennial insecurity. And Matt knew.

"I'm Natalie, by the way."

Matt's watch disrupts the silent air, beeping out an alarm. The analog face showed 12:10, the tritium on the hands glowing bright.

"Matt. I'd love to stay but I've got to go. It's nice meeting you, Natalie, or Nat, if I can call you that."

"Sure, Matt." Natalie could only offer a weak smile as Matt replies with a taut grin.

Matt picks himself up and walks away due south. Natalie was doleful as she is, again, left in seclusion. She has always been reluctant to embrace company although she was desperate for it. She hugs her legs tighter, ruing her insecurity.

Her attention then turns to a small projectile that had hit her in the back, which didn't hurt in itself but was surprising enough to jolt her out of her overthinking.

Picking up the paper plane Matt had brought with him earlier, she could make out the faint scribble of a note on the paper wings and let out a stifled giggle. Written on it was, "I'll be back here tomorrow. Take care Nat."

Natalie let out a sigh, relieved that she had herself a second chance, and stretched her long legs out, glancing up at the moon. I've gotta be here tomorrow, she thought.

Yellowcard - A Vicious Kind

Flashback

   "Might I remind you that you're a fully grown adolescent messing around with a Matchbox Aston Martin?"

"It's an engineering masterpiece, Danny. It looks stunning too!"

"it's a scaled down model toy car, dude."

"I don't have a driving license to drive the real thing."

Matthew Callahan continued appreciating the beauty of the DB3, once a British sports car and regular racer at the now defunct racetrack they were on, the Thomson Road Circuit, a famous venue in the racing scene back in the sixties. Along with him was Daniel Rose, a close friend of Matthew. The perennial summer afternoon had been damped by a shower of rain in the morning, and the flora surrounding the road was a brilliant green, the road itself shaded by huge trees, casting a shadow over the two peeps. Time has eroded the famous race track to a kind of lengthy, winding tarmac a rally driver would enjoy, and the kind of beautiful scenery Matt and Danny would gladly bask in.

"So this place used to be a racetrack?" Daniel walked beside Matthew, kicking up loose gravel. 

"Yeap. Racing back then was pretty different than what it is now though. Too controlled." Matthew heaved a sigh before having one last look at the toy. He keeps the car deep in his left breast pocket.

As a budding photographer, Daniel didn't mind tagging along in Matt's adventures exploring obsolete places with amazing environments. Matt would have a companion to express another side of the reserved character that is Matthew Callahan, and Danny would have another collage of pictures to show off, complete with the unwilling model, when Matt was having his brighter days.

But despite the generous amount of time spent together, Matt was still wary of regarding Daniel anymore than an acquaintance, and Daniel was already content with what little camaraderie they had, the picture gallery he had seemed to him like a bargain.
 

"Spare me the history lesson, old man. I'll be short of a few albums when you finally leave for Cambridge."

"Yeah, it's been fun being used. I'll miss you there, man." Matthew was amused with Danny's frankness.

"Of course you will, more than your family and friends, Matt. How are you gonna cope out there man?" Matthew wasn't sure, but he might have just felt a hint of genuine concern from little Danny Rose.

"I don't know, dude; I'll manage though. How about your photography exploits?" Matt was eager to change the subject. Danny had a mouth as loose as his baggy trousers.

"I'll pull through. I could use a time warp to the present and go for the current attractions. Damn if I miss the pristine nature though."

They came to an ancient concrete bench, braving the test of time. Daniel continued snapping shots from his DSLR while Matt sat down, taking a long swig of water from a bottle, meanwhile picturing a life-scale version of his toy car whizzing past in traditional British racing colours, a deep shade of green.

"So you leave tomorrow, right? Maybe I can see you off, you know, for old times' sake." Daniel was asking between snapshots.

"Yeah, not really. I leave in the wee hours of the morning, man. This is the last time you'll be seeing Matty Cally before he leaves."

"Really." Daniel didn't flinch. The photographer was hiding behind his camera, and Matt knew it.

"Look, it's been really been brilliant going on these adventures and having you around, man. I know we're not brothers or whatever, but I wanted you to know it's been a ton of fun. So thanks, man."

Danny sighed and let the camera down from his eyes. He takes a seat beside Matt on the bench and relaxes, stretching his hands on the old concrete, while Matthew sits hunched, resting his head on his hands.

"Relax dude. I know we haven't been on the best of terms but I understand where you're coming from. Thank you too, for all this you know. We've been through lots of shit, but it was some pretty good shit, man."

Matt and Danny heartily laughed it off, before reaffirming their friendship with a bump of the fists. The two guys may be on different terms, but in the end, all that matters will be the knowledge that your buddy has your back, as you do his.

Lostprophets - Better Off Dead

Purgation

   "It's all really simple. Nothing a six month old guitarist can't do. Give it a try. First, do a G, then G2, then a D tab. "

"You do know you make all this sound too easy right?"

"It is what it sounds like, Kyla. Simple yet brilliant. Kinda like me, you know."

Skylar Williams shrugged off the comment by blowing loud raspberries at her friend and guitar guru Matthew Callahan. The morning dew from the long grass of the garden radiated a fresh scent that seemed to be aiming for the balcony where Kyla sat on a plush divan, trying to get to grips with the six-stringed finger buster, a Gibson Hummingbird belonging to Matt.

"So how are you getting along in your quest to rule the skies?" Kyla asked between strums.

Matthew is a student at Cambridge University chasing his dream of becoming a pilot. He has come a long way from home, and despite only having left Singapore for two months, Kyla could tell he was already feeling a tinge of homesick. For Skylar was a shrewd psychology student at the same campus, and could make out the telltale signs of a homesick puppy.

"It's going fine I guess. Apart from busting my brain with the math every other day, it's all dandy. Seems you've got the hang of the first few tabs. Next do an E minor, then a D, then the G2 and G for this part."

Matt was introducing Kyla to the music scene, her first instrument being the guitar, at her request. He starts her off with the simple stuff, beginning with an acoustic rendition of Green Day's Good Riddance. It also helped that Skylar had a good ear for music, which, in Matt's eyes, just meant she had a similar taste to him, and was familiar with the song. Skylar pauses abruptly before starting on the next set of tabs.

"I'm pretty sure you'd be chuffed to bits to have your family around these parts," Skylar pipped in, keeping a nimble eye on Matt's microexpressions.

"Yes, I may be missing my peeps back home, Kyla. What else can you conclude from your psychoanalysis of your subject here, Doctor Williams?" Matt replied with a hint of bemused sarcasm.

Matt didn't like being figured out easily. He took pride from knowing more about his compatriots than they do about him, and while he wasn't chasing a psychology degree, he was astute enough to counter whatever mind-game pedigree Skylar had. 

"Well, captain," Kyla starts, a jab at his dream career, "You seem to be missing a certain dear friend as well, and I would love to help you if not for these troublesome strings here."

Matt didn't like where this was going. Neither did he like the sounds emanating from the Gibson. Some of the strings were brushing off Kyla's dainty fingers, letting out a suppressed tick. 

"I miss all of my friends," Matt mutters nonchalantly, as he grasps Skylar's hand on the fretboard, and starts correcting her when necessary, almost shadow playing the guitar, all the time handling Skylar's fingers with all the smoothness of a puppeteer with his marionette from above.

Skylar silently mimics Matt's long fingers, thoroughly enjoying the whole experience.

"Of course you jolly well do, but I'm pretty sure all of them aren't named Isabella." 

Matt was immediately caught off guard, releasing whatever pressure he had on Skylar's fingers on the fretboard. Skylar though, was content to keep the pressure on and continue playing, having hit home.

"So who is this Isabella girl?" Kyla pressed him.

Matt was oblivious to her question; he could feel Kyla's brunette hair flowing in the wind against his shoulder. A faint smell of lavender seemed to disrupt the steady flow of the morning air. The sun shone through Skylar's left, and Matt had his breath taken away as Skylar's charming caramel face revealed a shimmer of light from a pair of lovely brown eyes, hiding behind her black thick-framed spectacles. 

"What?" Matt managed, still transfixed by the beauty that beheld his eyes.

"Captain, we've lost power from the engines!" Kyla exclaimed, playfully snapping her little fingers in front of him. 

"That's very funny, Doctor." Matt was out of his trance, albeit still taking in Skylar's beauty inconspicuously.

"Just know that the paybacks are a pain. Anyway, Isabella's an old flame; it doesn't matter."

Skylar had put the guitar down on a stand facing the divan. She rested her head on his right shoulder, deftly inserting the Linkin Park themed guitar pick into his left breast pocket.

"As old a flame as that guitar?" Kyla asked inquisitively.

So that's how she knew, Matt exclaimed in his head. The guitar was a gift from Isabella, and it featured a small signature of her name she had signed herself among the white dove decorative found embellishing the pick guard. He could still make out the small inscription spelling out "Izzy" on the guitar from where he was. 

"Yeah, that's how I found out, Matt." Skylar could see Matt's eyes had turned to the guitar as he figured it out.

"You're getting really interested for a psychoanalysis, Doctor. Alright, she wasn't just any other girl. She bought me that as a gift, would you believe that?" Matt gestured toward the Gibson.

Indeed, Isabella Summers was in many ways a really close friend of Matthew. But it was only very unfortunate that all the relationship they had together was thrown away under a startling turn of events both found too hard to handle. And although they're both now on casual terms, Matthew was wistful to let go of what they used to have together.

"I wonder what kinda paint thinner she was smelling when she thought of that." Skylar kidded.

Matt laughed it off but although it was all humorous to him, Skylar could see he was still deep in thought regarding the curious character that is Isabella Summers.

John Mayer - In Your Atmosphere

D-Day part 1

  As I trudged through the blast doors that enveloped the opening of the day surgery centre, my mind was away thinking of the other guys who were meeting up at Jurong for a swim. I wanted to keep my mind off what I'm going through, I felt it was sort of a huge farce of a problem. Cataract surgery and the whole process, as I've read, seemed pretty minor and uneventful. The risks were small, the duration even smaller. The operation took thirty minutes, the hours that passed will be used to shake off the anesthetics.
         
                              Still wouldn't mind splashing in some water though.

After waiting the trademark hospital duration of approximately five thousand years, I am led into a ward-ish room filled averagely with patients and nurses all minding their own business. I'm assigned a bed and tended to by a nurse. I'm asked questions, drug allergies, loose teeth, any medication I'm on, any fever. No no no no no. I was given then some hospital garb to change into before coming back and answering yet more questions. After quiz time was over, the anesthetist came by to have a look. Probably the jolliest Indian guy I've met so far this year. The positive energy seemed to radiate throughout the whole room. I yawned a reply. It was still pretty bloody early in the morning, and the surgeon was late, so anesthetic were probably not needed to knock myself out.


Soon after, I was wheeled through the ward into the operating theatre on my bed. Al I saw were the glaring fluorescents whizzing through. It almost seemed unreal. I couldn't believe what I was going through. As I'm pushed into the room, I'm transferred by my bottom onto another bed equipped with all sorts of medical equipment. A heart monitor faces the anesthetist and a high power lamp looms above the head of who was probably the lead surgeon. I make out the anesthetist affirming that he has allowed the anesthetic to flow through into my body through the tube stabbed into the artery of my hand. A nurse brings over an oxygen mask for me to breathe in. A few awkward moments pass as everyone waits for me to knock out. I breathe in the cold oxygen and felt myself relaxing. I felt my heartbeat slowing. My eyes suddenly felt droopy, and everything suddenly blacked out.


I came to in the ward, the first glances back into this world blinding. From one eye anyway. The other was closed shut in an eye shield, safely protected from any sort of danger. I still felt really really weak though, so I relaxed again and soon I knocked out yet again. When I awoke again, I still felt pretty bloody weak hahaha the anesthetic was some strong dope. I had to get up and leave for home though, otherwise it was a night in hospital, and a hole in my parents' pocket.

After leaving I was still weaker than normal. My throat was unusually dry, my head pounding and I had half my vision. I come back home and slept again. The advice I got was to refrain from any sports, any bright sunlight and generally doing anything with my left eye. That generally also took away half of my life and two weeks off my holiday time, as I had to become a couch potato. My right eye is due next week, and I sure am not looking foward to wasting any more holiday time.


In the wise words of infamous immature idiots idiots, YOLO.

John Mayer - Gravity

catharsis

The coming of December marks the end of another year and the dawn of a new one. So for entertainment I shall put down a few highlights of this year and maybe a few stuff to look out for come next year.

 - Hilarious STE results. Personally I believe I can do much much MUCH better but I've moved on from that. Now that's left is for Os. For further details, read on.

- Cataract surgery. Due on the fifth and the twelfth, cause I've got two eyes, and really I'm buzzing to see what I've been missing with the new monofocal lenses(wish they could be coloured though) Those who are actually curious and not just shitting me, the natural lenses in my eyes, that can focus naturally make things clear due to processes I can't explain clearly, we'll call it magic, into synthetic lenses that can't focus and instead only look good at a specific distance. So I'll get better on long range but need spectacles on my near sighted behalf. Pretty buzzed, can't wait.

 - The going of a kindergarten friend overseas to continue his studies. Honestly, you've cost me more trouble than anything else, I have no reason to think you'll be any different there, if not worse, and I wish you all the best. Goodbye and good riddance.

- A change of environment. Due to some corporate upper level fiasco at school, the secondary students are dumped for snot nosed pain in the anus primary children and we are well kicked (colocating is such a soft political sugar coated word) out to another institution while still wearing the school badge, amazingly. There are a shitload of things wrong with my school, but I've got only my final year, so cheers lads.

 - To be honest I also miss the good old days when nothing mattered as much as our own selves. They say teenagers are the best time of our lives and I can understand why. You have the spending power of an adult yet have the same responsibility a child has. So spend your time to your fullest, my teenage friends.

 - O' Levels. Next year is a paramount year where everything will matter. Unlike STE, this holds a much much bigger impact on my future.  Expect lots of studying, having fun, and more desertions of this blog hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha kidding.

 - Graduation. D-Day cannot come faster. After waiting five years, I've been through a lot in this school, but while I'll miss all my friends and all that sappy stuff, I have to look forward and move on. This isn't to say I'll forget my own school, but moving on never meant forgetting history.

 - WP7.8. This software update, this minor software update, which is less expansive than WP8, is being relelased "early Q1, 2013". Besides the fact that there are WP7.8 devices being sold earlier, this is utter garbage. What's the delay, Microsofties?

 I'll stop here and regulate your food for thought. It's been nice letting everything out. Till next time fellas.

Linkin Park - In my remains live 2012 HD

words cannot begin to express how much I miss you.

Gnarls Barkley- - - " Crazy " ( H Q )

Time.

Exam going to start in a few days. I will not be posting for a couple of weeks if I can't help it. This will be about what I write here. So what do I write here guys?

Here lies the truth and everything that goes on in my head. From thoughts, to opinions to complaints to stories to music. Some, if not all of you might find this extremely offensive, and I understand that. However you should understand that I might not give a flying toss about what you think. This blog is, like I said, thoughts and opinions and stuff that really don't need eradicating, or correction. Share your views, sure, but don't impose them on me. This is not a debate.

I might sound self centered in this blog but then I have no other outlets but. So I deeply apologise for that. I express what I feel in this blog, so really, I treasure myself as much as I do others. This blog of mine is an outlet for what I feel.

I don't have any best friend till death to share my feelings.

Just me.

Crunch time.

Yeah not exactly. The real thing is in less than two weeks and I'm here doing meaningless stuff. I'm currently facing a confidence crisis, and everyone's being suckish.

STE examinations start in less than two weeks. But I'm here mugging for some dumb programme in Arabic for the school. Sure it's gonna help etc etc etc but come on I don't need the extra stress. What's more, prelim after effects is well taking an effect. Sigh I am being put my ass down by some people and it's extremely depressing. Sure I scored pretty badly, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid forever. Stop bringing up my marks. I know they're not high. Doesn't mean I can't get the right answer.


I believe that intelligence cannot be gauged, and the marks just indicate how much effort has been sacrificed to get there.

This also means I'm faltering in confidence. I don't know why this happens but it just does. Everything suddenly doesn't matter anymore. I suddenly feel so shut off from society and really, I shut down too. I panic and end up not doing much. It's sad. I just feel really really lonely.

This next paragraph will be about cataracts.

THEY FREAKING HAPPEN EITHER BECAUSE YOU'RE OLD, TRAUMATIZED, FACING A BIGGER, MORE DANGEROUS DISEASE, EXPOSED TO DRUGS, TOXIC MATERIALS, EXCESSIVELY CONSUME ALCOHOL, EXPOSED TO UV LIGHT, RADIATION, OR JUST GENETIC. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY EXCESSIVE EYE USAGE. THIS IS ACCORDING TO TOP, LEGITIMATE ACCLAIMED OPTICIANS AND OPHTHALMOLOGISTS WITH LEGITIMATE QUALIFICATIONS, SPECIALISTS IN MEDICAL AND SURGICAL EYE PROBLEMS, DEALING WITH THE ANATOMY, PHYSIOLOGY AND DISEASES OF THE EYE. REAL DEGREES, REAL EXPERIENCE, REAL DOCTORS WHO KNOW THEIR SHIT. SO DON'T COME UP TO ME AND TELL ME MY DOCTOR IS WRONG. YOU'RE SIXTEEN, YOU'RE YOUNG, AND HONESTLY, YOU MUST BE REALLY REALLY JOLLY STUPID TO NOT BELIEVE WHEN I TELL YOU WHAT MY OPHTHALMOLOGIST SAID. WHO ARE YOU TO GO AGAINST YEARS OF EXPERIENCE AND QUALIFICATION. DON'T WASTE MY BRAIN CELLS MULLING OVER YOU WHEN YOU'RE NOT WORTH MY TIME. IT WASN'T CHEAP GETTING AN EYE SPECIALIST, IT'S DEFINITELY NOT GONNA BE CHEAP FOR THE OPERATION. SO SHOVE YOUR WORDS UP YOUR ASS. DON'T ACT SMART WHEN YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE NOT FACING CATARACTS. YOU'RE NOT AN EYE SPECIALIST. YOU DIDN'T SPEND YEARS IN HOSPITALS CARRYING OUT OPERATIONS. YOU HAVING NOTHING TO SHOW FOR WHAT YOU SAY. DON'T MAKE YOURSELF LOOK STUPID BY TRYING TO BE SMART. I AM SICK OF YOUR ATTITUDE. 
don't fucking try me.


sorry about that.

Green Day - Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) Live @ Saitama Super Arena

Random writing #36447

I stared at the fan blades spinning slowly as daylight shone through the window. I couldn't feel the light. I was numb to positivism. I'm stuck down here, and I've nowhere to go. My head was pounding like a pile driver on mechanical steroids. The depression was unbearable.

On the outside, I'm of course just a crazy guy.

Desperate to refresh my mind, I got up and inconspicuously left the hospital. No nurses were there to stop me, no doctor to restrain me. I didn't know what I was doing. All I felt was the insatiable desire to let it all go. My legs led me to the middle of the road. Everything freezed at this point. My feet were anchored at the spot where I stood. I wasn't about to move for a while. A small portion of my brain begged to move myself to safety but they wouldn't budge.

I have to do this, I screamed to myself. In my head of course. Although shouting it out wouldn't affect my insane image. At this point my head was in such shambles I almost passed out from the immense mental disarray. I managed to keep myself conscious for a few seconds as I stared at a pair of headlights coming my way. The physical pain I was going to inflict to myself was the only way to block out the pain up here.I wondered then if this was all going to be worth it.

And then it hit me.

BlackBirds - Linkin Park

Blackbirds - Linkin Park

I shiver and shake the warm air coldI'm alone on my ownIn every mistake I dig this holeThrough my skin and bones
It's harder starting overThan never to have changed
With blackbirds following meI'm digging out my graveThey close in, swallowing meThe pain, it comes in wavesI'm getting back what I gave
I sweat through the sheet as daylight fadesAs I waste awayIt traps me inside mistakes I've madeThat's the price I pay

It's harder starting overThan never to have changed
With blackbirds following meI'm digging out my graveThey close in, swallowing meThe pain, it comes in wavesI'm getting back what I gave
I drop to the floor like I did beforeStop watchingI'm coughingI can't be moreWhat I want and what I need are at constant warLike a well full of poisonA rotten coreThe blood goes thinThe fever stingsAnd I shake from the hell that the habits bringLet the sick ones downThe bells will ringPut pennies on the eyesLet the dead men sing

Blackbirds following meI'm digging out my graveThey close in, swallowing me The pain it comes in waves,I'm getting back, what I gave,I'm getting back, what I gave.

Random writing #36446

This is a random snippet I write during my free time. Try to enjoy the puckish writing as it unfolds. Expect more of these random passages throughout the blog n_n

"I awake in a room sprawled on the carpeted floor. 

Oh God, I thought.

 I get up to my feet and stared out the window. Outside, a Nazi flag bearing the infamous swastika billowed proudly in the winter gale.

Oh God, I thought.

It seems the American time-traveling technology had worked. Unless this was a dream and I'm just living an elaborate Russian fantasy. It didn't deaden my eureka moment nonetheless. What did, was a sudden tightening of my windpipe courtesy of a muscular arm round my neck. I was immediately subdued, and then I got a German boot to the face. 

Oh God, I thought.

I managed to peek at the man before me through swelled eyes. Unsurprisingly, it was Adolf Hitler. It was after all, his office I woke up in. But I see him gripping something familiar though. I squint my left eye hard to get a faded glimpse. My cataract-ridden right eye was as good as gone. Then I saw it.

Oh God, I thought.

Hitler curiously scanned my phone, pressing buttons and watching intently as the screen of the rather remarkable contraption changed color. It must've fallen out of my pocket. This is bad. This is very bad. Smartphone technology was revolutionary in my time. What more now in the year 1942. This could put the Nazis ahead of the British and the Americans. This could win them the war. This could rewrite history. My mission to assassinate Hitler and avenge my loved ones had sunk into some deep shit water.

Oh dear God, I thought."

The Script - Hall of Fame

Preliminaries. Results. Arrogance.

Aggregate for Preliminaries. I'm happy with this grade but I'm also not happy with this grade. I'll explain in the following couple of paragraphs. Now before you continue, let us bear in mind the fact that I do not give a flying toss what you think about my aggregate. I might be lucky, I might have been able to have fared better. I know and I don't care. It's passed, I can't change anything, let's just be thankful and let life move on.


17 is a good grade. This is based on the rather weaker effort put into the preliminaries. I put my foot down but I didn't floor it. This is probably cause of the fact that I am found wanting in some subjects (I lost a whole file of notes on one of them) but mostly cause of my constant inability to put my foot down , go into top gear and really gun for a top spot. It's been like that since forever, really. An Achilles Heel of mine. I'll really go for it but somehow just falter at the last push. So really the frustration in my life is too damn high. A good point brought out is that if I'm not in top gear and get a 17, that's pretty good. And it is. I just wish I could do better and really topple odds.


17 is a bad grade. Words of my friends and family. And of course it is. Considering it's a whole ten poins adrift, of course it's bad right? I agree that it's bad. Call me conceited, but I do self-value myself. I do think I can score better. I do think I can beat a few others along the way. I do think I can get better. For someone like me, not reaching my target of >15 is and will be a failure regardless.

I call it optimism.

I call it confidence.

But conceit is always the perception dancing around everyone's heads.

And I don't care. I don't brag my heavy ass to Sunday about how I could have gotten this, gotten that, how I'm not really trying and still get a good grade, how I compare endlessly to the good ones on how I'm /only/ 10 points adrift. How I'm supposedly on par with them yet I'm far away. How I /could have/ done better but "took it easy."

What is said,

"Yeah I'm really smart. I beat you all. I'm really smart and I'm just saying it loudly for no apparent reason. Here look at my papers. A little bit more here and I could've beaten you. Yeah you watch out next time."

What I get,

"I'm so smart I can't believe it. Here look at my papers. They are so good oh my god they're so good. Look at yours and look at mine it's so infinitely better. I'm so much smarter than you."

That is bloody conceit.

Let us bear in mind that this is only preliminaries. And I know that fact. And I'm sure everyone else does too. I'm done with all this bullwax and how I'm not intelligent anymore. I'm sick of being compared to someone better to fuel their ego. I'm done with being an average person. 

It's time to change. 

I'll say this here cause no one reads this thing anyway. My new target.

This is basically getting the top grade for each and every subject of the exam. Seems a huge feat, but I believe I can do it. And no one can take that away from me. I might be doing this for my ego. You probably think I do. But it's my ego. I'm not showing off to anyone. I aim to be better than I was before.  To succeed in this exam and be the hero for my own story. 

I don't need to "beat" anyone. I just need to beat myself.

Arctic Monkeys - Teddy Picker (2007)

Sense that isn't common. Ends that don't meet.

Preliminary exams are over. Yardstick for the upcoming real thing so far has been pretty okay although I think some papers have been scripted cause some of the papers were so easy it was infallible (unless you're really really stupid) (or you have no hands). And some of them are brick-pass motioning hard (although that's prolly cause I didn't study as well.)

So far, my aggregate stands at four for two subjects 1,3) which could have been better done. I think three grades between 70 and 100 is way too much. The secular grading system is much better in my opinion but that's prolly cause there's more application to it than a more content-happy ukhrawi curriculum.

Also I think a flaw I see is that the gap between preliminaries and the real STE is a bit too near. Either that or the preliminary papers aren't just gone through. Which should be done. Cause well, they're preliminary papers. And preliminary papers are supposed to be gone through. But what I see is a useful span of time used to calculate and collate and check (bargain for the more competitive arses) the papers. And that's a pity. I can easily spot the few awkward questions I'm sure a few of my friends would find difficulty in answering. 

Some even pretend there wasn't any preliminaries. What the heck. Arabic Language paper for me was a bummer. I never knew what hit me. First of all the comprehension was a bit rubbish. The summary was a guaranteed 20, but the composition. Oh the composition. I guess I'm just really shit at writing letters. Or maybe the marking was too strict I get that but it's a tad too strict. Students were getting all the wrong marks. I was infuriated. Okay I wasn't infuriated. But I did have quite the roller-coaster ride, from anticipation, to anxiety, to what-the-hell-is-this rubbish. I thought I'd get to know what was wrong but the comments were literally two phrases scribbled at the end. 

In any situation across your hopefully long and prosperous life, there's a few things you shouldn't do. Scribbling is okay. Writing in arabic, is okay as well. Scribbling in arabic, is totally preposterous. It's like a blind middle eastern doctor wrote a prescription for some non-existent patient. Cause yknow blind people can't practice medicine.

I can only pray there'll be a change for the better. 

In other news, apparently Eid won't be observed in my school. Now before anything, just calm your horses and bulls and dogs and cats and puppies and bunnies. I am gonna sit on the fence on this one (leaning JUST LEANING to the opposition though) cause really while it's a bit unreasonable on the school's part, it's too petty an issue to take up for us students. 

I personally don't see a real bummer of an alibi to disallow it and it's just not great to have a school full of unhappy students for so petty an issue. By now, should I be in charge, I'd have just allowed it judging from my rationale. Like I said, this issue is too significant to keep rambling on so let's continue onwards to the next subject at hand.

National Day Rally was on just now in my country and blablabla etc etc insert compliment for my beloved Singapore here. Now as you all know, the government here isn't perfect, there are a few flaws here and there for a nation over succeeding in so short a time. And of course I'm not okay with that, but I don't really see the point of going on a fully fledged complain rant. Sure, the flaws are sizable for a nation as ambitious as Singapore but hey, it's Singapore. The government burning your pockets is the same government responsible for turning Singapore into one of the best countries to live in.

And I get if if you're pissed, everyone has the right to and I respect that. But then there's the small bunch who are oh-so unbelievably ignorant towards issues pertaining to the government but jump on the anti-government bandwagon and go on rants. And for what?

To get attention.

To look smart.

To gain respect.

Look like I know my country.

Yeah, sure. 

Look let's face it you're still young so I understand if you dunno about these issues okay, in other words, I cannot give a flying toss whether you know about these things. Cause really, we have legitimate, diplomatic, smart, experienced and rational leaders to figure out these things. You on the other hand, should just yknow put your money where your mouth is. So yeah just take all that 'richest country citizens struggle' rant and shove it up your bottom.

I have to respect my government for what they've done for me. You should too.

Short dedication to Neil Armstrong, the first man on the moon, who passed on recently, my condolences, you were always a model to follow. Thank you for your contributions in the Space Race. Fondly remembered.

To finish things off, I'm planning to take part in a writing competition (here- http://www.rdasia.com/100-word-story) and maybe win me some cash yeaaah entertain a few of you still loyal to Reader's Digest. I hope to succeed in this competition so wish me luck!

To round things off let me just wish you all a happy Eid Mubarak and just generally have a nice day :3

Just Listen.

A Fallen Fighter, A Rising Peacemaker.

Once bent on being the best;
  Forgetting concerns of all the rest.
Every man for himself, my pledge stood tall;
  Until the day, I beat you all.


Always a guy concerned about the future;
  Never happy, nor content, with whatever he could capture.
My image, my pride, my dignity;
  All but what I saw was priority.


But one fine day, a very magnificent day;
  Out on a bench admiring the feathers of a blue jay;
My Seiko ticked no more, hour hand at five;
  This opportunity I took, which was a break from life.
A figurative sign I saw beckoning;
  Something I saw necessary amid all that was happening.


Then I saw, the chains of depression;
  Strangling a youth so potent and innate.
With uncontrollable sadness and damnation;
  A fallen fighter, lost in ignorance and utter hate.


A period of isolation, my guilty conscience chose;
  A placebo for the terminal freak I had become.
Friends and family, all that were close;
  I felt lonely for all were mum.


From here I saw the value in the money;
  To win the war and see my victory;
Sacrificing a few battles few and far between;
  A small wager so I wouldn't seem too mean.


So here I start, trying to make ends meet;
  A self hired fixer tasked to do a huge feat;
A rising peacemaker, save me from condescension;
  So may we live together in good cohesion.




So for you reading my lame poem here;
  I sincerely apologise for everything, my dear.



.

The Killers - Runaways

Respect. Or lack thereof.

I think what today's dwellers lack is precisely put, respect. A lack of what I'd call second-level thinking, meaning to think of how other people perceive you. It's driving me up the wall, to some extent.

The way I see it, everyone is too occupied with being the top dog, the best of this, the best of that, that they tend to do whatever it takes to get there, even if it means being a rude piece of garbage. Personally for me, when people are nice, there's only three ways to look at it:

-A really honestly nice person, I appreciate what you're doing :)

-Just another shrimp sucking up to people who are gonna ruin you.

-Are you high.

Sometimes it's almost disgusting how being rude is the new way to go for these people. Peer pressure leads you to belittle the friends you see ''irrelevant'' and drop the ''good boy image'' now seen as two-faced and pretty BS. Some see it as cool, a way to mix and have fun. And then again some of them are just high.

For me, I generally keep to myself and I guess I'm just generally nice. Partly cause I have to as a caretaker of 34 students. Turning my back on even one of my friends wouldn't be pretty. My lack of interaction won't let others judge me with much accuracy though.

And I like that.

Because some are just oh so fucking rude that a smack in the face would only be an appetizer to the sledgehammer I'd ram up their asses. I don't know anymore; some of these genuinely nice people even tend to use the rude way to do their bidding.

 Just goes to show the smart people and the intelligent people aren't the same.

For me, respect is something I value and practice. Everyone who practices respect, deserves respect. If you infer that I don't respect the ones that do lack the necessary hormat, then bullseye you're right.

 If everyone works their asses off for money to give to other people, why'd you give the money to people who don't?

I'm not one to give advice.

 I'm one to take your bullshit and shove it up your ass.

So start respecting or so help me I will give you a piece of my mind.

perjuangan to the death

So the exams lie very very very near, with Preliminaries starting tomorrow, with Arabic Language. Then Qur'an on Friday then a few days before written exams start. Then a few days break before STE starts proper.

Honestly, I am unprepared for this exam. I neither feel nor see the urgency in this exam. I'm both worried and nonchalant about it. I wanna have something to show for 11 years (give or take) of education here at Irsyad. But then this certificate doesn't get me places. At least, places I don't wanna go. This isn't to say I don't wanna continue my Ukhrawi stream but I think I'm leaning more towards my academics to secure some solid pedigree before going for the Islamic side of life.

This is really late but my team and I managed to be crowned champions in the debate. After a frantic three (I skipped the first day cause I was spennnt) days of course, preparing for the semi finals, which I managed to successfully fall sick. But thankfully we managed to pull through to the finals. 


Personally, being the youngest and most probably the most inexperienced team in the tournament, I thought we did a massive job hahahaha I still can't believe we went against top notch opposition in PRAXIS, an organisation comprising of members aged 17-21. It's just immense sigh. I wanna thank a lot of people too for the support, I personally couldn't have done much without them. Thank you :)


In other news, the fasting month of Ramadhan has come for us Muslims. So far, it's been wonderful and I hope for it to continue being wonderful lol may we all have a blessed Ramadhan fellow Muslims :D


Recently, IrsyadRadio, an internet radio station initiated by the school, has also been launched and commitment will be massive. That equals less time for studying and much less time for fun. Come to think about it, my me time has decreased significantly.


 And I miss that.


All the free time in the world to do anything and not have anything to worry about. Now I just goof off and have fun, but when I come back the guilt just ruins whatever fun I had. And now I can't relax knowing there's an exam I should be spending time on. It just sucks basically.


I hope for all of this to end, and end swiftly and nicely. Hopefully. 


Then next year I can go through the same thing with my academics.


Till next time.

catchup ketchup

School is back on. Time is such an essence. Dear humans, please forgive me if I fall out with a long hiatus. Inevitable, unforeseen and inconvenient. Patik minta maaf seribu ribu maaf.

Anyway, let's just put into perspective what's coming up in the next few days. I've got school, lots of school, even more hafalan, a huge huge huge exam to get an aggregate of 15 or less and to top things off, a debate competition to win. I'm not exactly looking forward to either, but if I'm gonna face them anyway then screw it let's go for broke.

School is almost unnecessary now. Ironic, since I've got Prelims and STE in less than a few weeks. Right now a few hours of school are clocked in for normal lessons, which is perfectly fine. But another chunk of school hours is reserved for alledged 'hafalan sessions'. An academic teacher would come in, babysit us as we hafal. This is also really nice. What isn't, is when other, more O-Level-centric students (or they're just really really fucking stupid) decide STE isn't important and slack off, distracting greatly other students trying to make a name for themselves in this exam. Something needs to be done. I can't go around shushing everyones' asses every now and then.


Debateeeeee. Everything seems to be about debate nowadays. And I've somehow managed to land myself in this sea of debatery as well. I, along with a bunch of geniuses will be gunning for victory in a debate competition contested by other youth Muslim bodies. Honestly, I don't know why I'm doing this. Firstly, we're first timers, damn we're underage even (it's a 16-25 years old range). Secondly, I don't know what I'm debating for. The competition is so vague I don't what I'll win. Thirdly, I feel insignificant around my debate team. I'm debating with top-10 material against adolescents with drivers' licenses studying for degrees and diplomas. But hey, I love the English Language. I love arguing (which is sorta redneck debating right) and I'm doing it with my buddies so hey let's just go for it and gain some experience. I really really wanna win, cause losing is not worth it. Not after sacrificing countless hours on this thing when I could be studying.


I'll be honest, I've kinda managed to know better my team through preparation and we've kinda started to really know each other inside out and for me, it's been a really nice experience(despite my obvious inferiority in terms of grades). One I wouldn't wanna forget.


I'm debating for you guys.




I think sometimes I just don't try to be happy enough and have a more positive outlook in my life.


I should change.

  

Slash - "Gotten"

uhhh the dutch lost today and i am in no mood to write. catch up later zzzz

iConcerts - Coldplay - Speed of Sound (live)

Coldplay - Swallowed In The Sea (Toronto 2006) HD

a nervy unnerving

so maybe you busybodies guys would like some context on that uh expression of anger down below.

It's pretty simple.

Everyone is shit.

I'm supposed to arrange a lesson for my classmates to attend to brush up on their subjects. But it keeps getting postponed cause one way or another either the students or the teacher can't make it. With my teacher replying so so so so so so so so so so soo soo sooo sooo sooo soooo soooo soooooo late to my questions, it's hard to finalise cause right at the death I'll get a text saying "I can't make it" then I'm back to square one. Then everyone will get pissed and I'm supposed to be at fault bollocks.

Personally, I don't mind. It's these kicks I get for leading my class. But maybe, just maybe you guys would wanna try and see it from my eyes and actually be thankful I'm even doing this cause it sure as hell isn't easy. I'm trying my best, I don't need you guys moaning and weeping and crying about it, so just sit tight, trust me and keep your comments to yourself everything will be fine, no one gets hurt, and I don't explode.


sheesh sometimes I just wanna step down and be my low nonchalant self again.



But enough of that. It's not worth mulling over. Sorry if I offend you guys, but I'm feeling shit  unappreciated. And this is how I feel.

Thanks.

Noel Gallagher - Emotional version of Dont Look Back in Anger - Live

/brace for profanity rant

FFFFFSSS BE THANKFUL I'M GOING THROUGH ALL THIS SHIT FOR YOU GUYS PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE MY FUCKING SCHEDULE IS FUCKING SUFFERING TOO OKAY IT'S NOT MY FAULT ON THE FUCKING CONTRARY I'M TRYING TO IMPROVE THE FUCKING SITUATION SIGH JUST SHUT UP AND COOPERATE OKAY THIS IS ALREADY AS OUT FUCKING STANDING AS IT ALREADY IS.




/thankyou

intelligence crisis

I'm starting to get the hang of this 2am writeup thingy thing things now hahaha idk once it starts these things just don't seem to stop(well at least until my holidays are over) (but let's not let that happen) (i hope)

So anyway as I was busy staring towards the heavens thinking of my life and where I've landed myself so far(cause i am philosoraptorical that way), I made a quasi-checklist of my S4 (that's 15 years young) targets and they go along these lines:-

- to get a decent aggregate for my STE (ten and below? too high?)

-to keep my academics in check(well when I say academics)

-try and build up on my maths?(i suck in maths.)

-be fitter than before(honestly idk how i'm gonna check that)

-top ten in my class(which is a huge ask)

Majority have one thing in common. I wanna be smarter. More brains. More IQ. More intelligence. It's what I've always wanted. I've always looked up to everyone more brainy than myself (which is a crapload of people.) and I don't mind that. I enjoy learing new stuff (not taking into account math) (haha kidding) (seriously though) and helping others and all that. I wouldn't mind joining them at the summit though.

But it isn't all cream and cheese. I have an six additional religious content-based subjects to learn and they require a really really huge memory capacity. And the top students have all but cemented their places in the spots that breaking out into the scene is gonna take a lot of hard work. I personally see myself capable of achieving better than what I have now (75%). But I don't seem to have that drive, that last spark to push me all the way through. It's like running a 400m sprint. I can push all the way, but when it comes to the home stretch I will falter and end up going below par. I don't seem to know what's wrong(again disregard my math). Okay maybe my math but I've been trying and I don't wish to go for tuition cause I won't be motivated and I'd end up wasting money. But maybe this time I should?


Whatever it may be, this year will mark a change. I hope to achieve my targets and I will stop at nothing to get what I want (that includes you Battlefield). You shall stand as witness to this promise I have made to myself(and you to some extent) inshaallah.



Someday. Someday.

Simple Plan - Save You :3

"I want you to know that if you fall, stumble down, I'll pick you up off the ground; if you lose, faith in you, I'll give you strength to pull through; tell me you won't give up, cause I'll be waiting if you fall you know, I'll be there for you."






/guitar solo

music appresh post anybody?

So it's 2am in the morning here in my country and I can't sleep so here's one to you guys on music n_n If the particular subject bores you, then by all means piss off but cut me some slack and keep reading okay?

Music is an art form whose medium is sound and silence. That's what Wikipedia says. For me, music is a way for me to shut out the world to experience a lapse from this world and enter one of fantasy and imagination that is music. While some people might go for a catnap, play a sport, or go to their parents(babies) for the same purpose, I just get to a comfortable corner and pop my earpieces in. It doesn't bother anybody, I am not bothered by anybody, everything is fine, no one gets hurt.

Musicians and artistes write songs and play notes as a form of expressing themselves, from what I see. This can be evident either in their way of music, or by the song lyrics and what they mean. In my eyes, this is all valid. Which means I don't have anything against any artistes(which should go the same for you guys toooo). I'm just biased to my rock. That's not wrong either. It's all a matter of opinion and influence.

My favourite artistes hmmm I listen to a ton of rock, from A7X to the Guns n Roses to Metallica and many many more. These bands are traditional slap-heavy distortion rockstars. These bunch I listen to pretty often. Then there are bands that are alledgedly undergoing a '''transition''' like Coldplay and Linkin Park and Radiohead. These bands I listen to a lawwt. What's actually happening is that instead of being lured by big money to change and make bad(shite really) music, these bands are evolving and exploring new ways to capture listeners. There's no old Coldplay or new LP or whatever. They're the same people with better music. If they kept churning out the same stuff year in year out then it wouldn't improve.


I appreciate music a lot cause it's helped me through some of my rough patches. They also capture memories and they become embedded with that song. It's also been a rope tying me to my buddies sometimes and we'd just chill and listen to our favourite tracks or just talk music in general. Basically, it's added a dimension of colour to my gray life and I am really happy for that. I hope you guys feel the same way too!

This is my appresh post for music and thank you for reading :3

(FYI this blog title comes from a song too^^)

a new leaf.

After a long long long hiatus (i quit really) I thought I'd revisit the fun of blogging and writing and maybe start over (again) with this blog. Besides, I won't have much to do this June holidays anyway.

So here I am.

For a start maybe I'd like to introduce myself to this world (after they read the 'about me' tab ofc). I'm basically like any other teen shackled to his responsibility in this world (which seems to be only three words: study, study and study) and it sucks. To an extent. Don't get me wrong I love learning new stuff. I just think the stresses of grades here in my motherland is a bit too strong. Don't get me started on school.

In my free time, I Battlefield myself to oblivion (suck it CoD fans), read a bit of Wattpad and listen to music (just kidding i do that ALL the time). MY favourite author is John Grisham, with his well-worked books occupying lots of my time. He writes lotsa action and crime and thriller stuff and throw in a bit of dry humor and an awesomesauce plot and screw it he's a badass writer fullstop. The kinda music I listen to is pretty much detested by 99 percent of my friends(well when i say friends). I listen to a lot of rock, but I wouldn't mind the occasional pop too. It's not that I don't like the other (crap) genres but hey I respect everyone yknow cause music is a matter of opinion so when you say you're right, you're so wrong. It's just a way for musicians to express themselves, so how they express that shouldn't be criticised yknow? Would you bash an artist for his alledgedly crap art? Exactly. . . .


(still find it sad that today's generation of music is pretty shite though)


Mini warning though I tend to swear a lot, which irritates pretty much everyone but when it's necessary.... it's pretty fucking necessary hahaha just kidding I do try to stop but sometimes it just happens so be prepared for a tinyyy tad of profanity as you read through.


This is gonna be your boarding pass to my roller coaster life and with that, welcome, sit back and enjoy my friends.